Violence and its role in teen pregnancy
Dating is usually the act of meeting and engaging in a social activity that you have both agreed on, in public together as a couple. This could be having a drink or a meal together, going to a movie or a sporting event, or even going to a party together.
Many young people confuse dating with sex.
- You may be dating someone
- Or you may be dating someone and having sex
- Or you may be only having sex with someone
There are powerful emotional consequences that come with a sexual relationship, but when you are younger you often don’t realise this.
Sometimes people think that having sex with their partner means they will stay together. This is often not the case. Ideally before having sex, it would help to talk about what you both expect and how having sex might change that.
Sometimes there is an expectation to have sex on a date and the partner feels pressurised into having sex.
Many adolescents who enter sexual relationships experience hurt, rejection and shame.
Sometimes you get into situations where very powerful feelings can overcome you.
Stop and think first.
- Can you prevent pregnancy?
- Can you talk to your partner about contraception?
- Can you prevent STIs including HIV?
Remember to think about the consequences………
- What do you think the consequences of having unprotected sex can be?
- How do you think these consequences will affect your life now and in the future?
- How will you deal with the consequences?
You have the right to say NO!
No one has the right to force you into sexual activity, no matter what your relationship with the person is.
This means no one can force you to have sex or touch you in a sexual way without your consent or force you to perform sexual activity you find unpleasant or humiliating.
There are many different types of forced sex:
It is important to understand the differences between them, as well as how they are linked together.
Unfortunately, because of the silence that surrounds sexual assault, many myths have been created.
Myths like:
“She asked to be raped by wearing that short skirt”
“Only women can be raped”
“That child is lying – the father is a good man”
NOBODY asks to be raped, nor are they to blame for the behaviour of the rapist.
As you can see from the diagram, these behaviours include:
- rape
- sexual abuse
- child sexual abuse
- sexual assault
- sexual harassment
- sexual coercion
The common thread of sexual assault is the loss of power and control that the victim experiences.
One of the most common forms of sexually aggressive behaviour is called sexual coercion.
Sexual coercion is difficult to define because it is sometimes difficult to recognise.
Coercion is defined as “the act of forcing (or attempting to force) another individual through
- emotional manipulation
- violence
- threats
- pressure
- verbal insistence
- cultural expectation
- economic circumstance, or
- alcohol or drugs
to have sexual contact against his or her will”,
and
“A person’s lack of choice to pursue another option without severe social, physical or emotional consequences”.
More simply, this means a person is not able to say no because they believe they will face consequences that could be difficult for them.
For example – being beaten, shut down, threatened, emotionally tortured, deprived of things, or being punished in some way etc.
Sometimes you get into situations where you are forced to have sex against your will.
NOBODY may force you to have sex against your will.
Remember you can decide if you want sex, when you want sex and how you want sex. It’s your choice. It’s your body, your choice, your decision and your right.
The law says you have the right to make decisions about getting pregnant.
NOBODY may force you to have sex or get pregnant if you don’t wish to.
It is feels wrong to you – it is wrong. Listen to your feelings.
Violence in a relationship is never acceptable.
Sometimes partners think that have to do what their boyfriend/girlfriend says.
Some boys believe that it is their right to make the decisions.
This is NOT right.
BOTH partners have to agree to have sex, and on what terms. If one person forces their partner to have sexual contact against their will, this is coercion.
As mentioned, sexual coercion is difficult to define because it has many subtleties – it occurs in so many different situations.
Coercion under pressure-of-force to have sexual contact – pressure in this case can mean physical, verbal or emotional pressure.
Sexual coercion can happen even when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time.
The following pages better explain coercion by breaking the definition into smaller parts.
Physical pressure to have sexual contact can include continuing to kiss the victim as he / she tries to pull away.
Hitting, beating, kicking and slapping, holding the victim down, continuing with the sexual behaviour after being told to stop.
Can include nagging, manipulating, threatening to break-up, making the partner feel guilty saying that “everyone is doing it”.
Using a position of authority to get sexual favours. For example: “you can be sure of good marks this term if we have sex”.
Verbal pressure can include threatening to use physical force, shouting, name calling, tricking, lying or blackmailing. For example, “If we don’t have sex tonight, I will leave and never come back”, is coercion.
Giving gifts and/or money, then expecting sex as a payback is coercion.
This is a form of transactional sex where often older rich men (“blessers”) entice young women (“blessees”) with money and expensive gifts in exchange for sexual favors.
- In the case of any type of coercion or sexual harassment, do not keep silent.
- Seek help from someone you can trust.
- Always report rape to the police.
- All sexual offences (including knowledge of any sexual offence committed against a child) should be reported to the police.
It is your right to be treated with dignity, confidentiality and respect.
Alcohol and drugs can harm your judgement, make it hard to resist a sexual situation and could make your partner more aggressive.
If drugs are slipped into your drink, you could pass out and become a victim of date rape.
The act of using alcohol to force someone into having sex is coercion.
Saying no to someone can be very difficult. Predators use the ‘social contract’, our good hearts and the fear of being rude against us.
Let’s imagine a scenario. A girl is at a café and a guy offers to buy her an ice-cream.
- She politely says: “No thanks”
- He pushes her and says: ”Come on! It’s just an ice-cream!”
- Again, she says: “No thank you”
- He goes away and comes back to the table with two ice-creams.
- He says: “I know you said you didn’t want an ice-cream but I was getting one for myself, and you looked hot!”
Now, if you accept the ice-cream (or soda or alcoholic drink), you’re teaching the person that it only takes a little persistence from them to overcome your No.
- If you say: “Thank you, I appreciate it but no thanks” and put the ice-cream down and walk away from it, you might look rude in that moment
But the fact is:
- if you didn’t ask for the ice-cream,
- you didn’t want the ice-cream, and
- you don’t have to eat the ice-cream (or drink the drink) to make someone else feel validated.
Consent is permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. Sexual consent is agreeing to take part.
Consent is when someone:
- can choose freely to take part
- can say they want to take part clearly and actively
- can change their mind at any time and have this decision respected
- is awake, conscious and rational
- understand what kind of activity they’re agreeing to
- is over the legal age for sexual consent.
Sexual consent is vital for:
- kissing someone or touching any part of their body sexually
- having vaginal, anal or oral sex
- sending sexual messages or images
- not using condoms or other contraception
Sexual consent is essential regardless of gender identity or sexual identity.
How should someone express consent?
Consent should be clearly and freely communicated. A verbal and positive expression of consent can help both you and your partner to understand and respect each other’s boundaries.
Consent can’t be given by anyone who:
- Is underage (an adult may not have sexual activity with anyone under the age of 16 or anyone two years younger when a teenager)
- Is very drunk or passed out from drugs or alcohol
- Is asleep or unconscious
- Is under pressure of bullying or threat
- Has an unequal power dynamic (eg: sexual activity with a teacher and student)
How does consent work?
- Consent is about communication when it comes to sexual activity.
- Consent should happen every time for every type of activity with everyone involved
- If you consent once to doing something but don’t want to again, that’s okay.
- Agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t give that person permission to remove your clothes.
- If you had sex with someone in the past, you don’t have to have sex with them again.
- It’s important to discuss limits and beliefs with your partner before taking part in any sexual activity.
Can I change my mind at any time?
- You can withdraw consent at any point if you feel uncomfortable.
- One way to do this is to clearly communicate to your partner that you are no longer comfortable with this activity and want to stop.
- Withdrawing consent can be very difficult to do verbally, so non-verbal signals can also be used to convey this.
What is enthusiastic consent?
- Enthusiastic consent is the positive expression of consent. Always (always) look for a definite “yes” rather than the absence of a “no.”
- Enthusiastic consent can be communicated verbally or through non-verbal signals, like positive body language - smiling, maintaining eye contact and nodding. These signs of consent alone do not necessarily represent consent, but they are extra details that may help you know your partner’s consent.
- It is always important to get verbal confirmation.
- An important part of consent is checking in with your partner regularly to make sure that they are still on the same page.
How can I make sure my partner consents the whole time?
- Ask permission before you change the type or level of sexual activity with phrases like “Is this okay?”
- Check that there is mutual interest before beginning any physical touch. If it looks like they don’t want you to touch them, don’t touch them.
- Let your partner know that they can stop at any time.
- Regularly check in with your partner by asking “Is this still okay?”
- Provide positive feedback when you’re comfortable with an activity. Tell your partner if you like something.
- Openly, clearly agree to certain activities, either by saying “yes” or another positive statement, like “I’m happy to try”.
- Use physical signals to let the other person know you’re comfortable continuing.
Bodily responses to sexual activity:
- Physiological or bodily responses like an erection, lubrication, arousal or orgasm are involuntary, that means that your body might react one way even if you don’t consent to the activity.
- Sexual offenders might use the fact that these bodily responses occur to make the survivors feel confused by saying things like: "You know you liked it". You should not feel shame for your body’s reaction.
- A physiological response does not mean that you consent. If you have been sexually abused or assaulted, it is not your fault regardless of how your body reacts physically.
Consent is NOT:
- Refusing to accept “no”
- A partner who is disconnected, non-responsive or noticeably upset
- Wearing certain clothes, flirting or kissing are not an invitation for anything more
- Someone under the legal age of consent of 16 (for an adult)
- Someone being disabled because of drugs or alcohol – if someone is passed out, sleeping or can’t give active consent, it is not consent
- Pressuring someone by using fear or intimidation
- Assuming you have permission because you’ve had sex in the past
Saying NO
In everyday life we say “no” all the time, without actually saying the word.
When it comes to sexual consent, “just say no” is naïve and sadly not very effective advice as it ignores the complex ways that refusals are performed in everyday life - many of which omit the word ‘no’ all together.
Can men tell when there is no consent?
- Studies show that men are equally as knowledgeable on how refusals are done as women.
- Men can understand and read body language going ‘cold’, excuses being made and clothing not coming off voluntarily as a refusal for sexual intimacy.
- It should not be necessary for a person to say ‘no’ for them to be understood as refusing sex.
- Date rape and sexual assault doesn’t happen because of misunderstandings – it is the intention by the person to engage in forced sexual behaviour. Rape and sexual assault are acts of violence and power, not about the sex.
The absence of “no” does not constitute consent in any situation
KISS WITH NO CONSENT
KISS WITH CONSENT
- There are really clear ways of saying “yes” or “go;’
- There are very clear ways of saying “no” or “stop”
- And sometimes it might not be so easy to tell. That’s why we always need to stop and ask!
Green signals can look like:
- excitement
- both partners touching each other
- passionate kissing
- your partner taking your hand and directing it to parts of their body
- removal of clothing without encouraging
- everyone equally leads what’s happening - sex is something that people do together, not something that one person does to another person.
What are Red Signals of Consent?
Consent cannot be given if a person:
- is under 16 years old
- is asleep or unconscious
- is so affected by drugs or alcohol that they cannot consent or refuse
- is confused about who the other person is
- is unsure or unaware about the sexual act
Red signals are:
- pulling away
- crying
- struggling to keep clothing on
- freezing or going silent
- making excuses
If the person you’re with is displaying any of the red signals, stop immediately. Proceeding will cause damage or harm.
What are Warning Signals of Consent?
If your partner isn’t asking you to stop but is also not showing any green signals, stop what you’re doing and ask if everything is okay. If your partner reassures you they’re fine but their body language still suggests otherwise, try switching to something non-sexual like watching TV. If they’re keen to be intimate, they will initiate contact again.
Orange Signals can look like:
- increased heart rate
- heavy breathing
- moaning
- eye contact
- physiological responses like an erection or wetness
How do I ask if my partner is enjoying themselves?
Asking if someone is enjoying what you’re doing can be hard - fear of rejection is very real. But it is essential to prevent harm and to ensure both parties have an equally fun, pleasurable experience, which can and does happen all the time!
If your partner is showing you a bunch of green signals but also an orange signal, or you’d like to check they’re still happy, you can ask questions like “Do you like that?” “What do you like?” “What would you like me to do?” “Do you want me to...”
Asking your partner might feel awkward, but if they’re into it, they’re not going to mind being asked. It will make your partner feel respected and cared for to know that you care about how they feel. It’s much better to ask and feel a bit awkward than to not ask and leave them feeling violated.
Child pornography below age 18
In South Africa it is illegal to watch or participate in any form of pornography (‘porn’) if you are under the age of 18. It is also illegal to watch pornography where the participant is under the age of 18, whether you are an adult or not.
Incest consent
Incest is when family members engage in sex with each other. It is illegal. The law bans all sexual acts between family members, regardless of age. There can be no consent to a sexual act with a family member in the same bloodline or adoptive family members.
This means that:
- Grandparents or parents may not have any sexual relations with their children or grandchildren
- Brothers and sisters may not have any sexual relations
- The person who performs the act against their family member can go to prison
Are there times consent cannot be given at all?
- Bestiality is against the law
- Necrophilia is illegal
- If people engage in sexual acts in front of a child
- If school children record, take photos of sexual acts or forward onto other contacts and friends, they can be charged with sexual assault, even though they themselves were not involved in the sexual act
- If a person ‘flashes’ (opens their clothes and shows their penis, vagina or breasts) especially to children, there is no consent
- Exploiting a person, especially a child, for financial gain (to make money)
- Sexual acts with any person who is registered as a person with a mental disability (regardless of their age) is prohibited
These are all criminally prosecutable by law. That means you can go to prison. But just don’t do it.
Unwelcome behaviour of a sexual nature, or behaviour that makes you feel uncomfortable is sexual harassment.
Learn to recognise when you feel uncomfortable as a result of another person’s behaviour. Listen to your body, it will tell you when you’re feeling unsafe.
Sexual harassment may include any unwanted physical, verbal or non-verbal contact.
The scale ranges from unwanted comments and unwanted touching on one end – to sexual assault and rape on the other.
Because there are so many subtleties (as in the case of coercion), many young people don’t realise that they are being sexually harassed, nor do they realise that they have any rights.
A voyeur is a person who gets sexual excitement from observing the naked bodies or sexual acts of others, especially from a secret vantage point.
This is generally called voyeurism.
Trust your feelings and follow your instincts if you feel uncomfortable with a situation in any way or recognise signs of possible sexual coercion or harassment.
If it feels wrong – it is wrong.
- Say no firmly and then leave immediately
- Seek help if needed
- Avoid alcohol and other drugs
Drugs and alcohol can:
- Harm your judgement
- Make it harder to resist a sexual situation
- Make your partner more aggressive
Learn to respond to sexual pressure.
Sit with your friends, talk about and practice ways to say no.
In order to say NO to sex you need to:
- Be motivated (have reasons for saying NO to sex)
- Learn to recognise and avoid places and situation where you might be at risk – don’t go to deserted places and always go out in groups
- Learn and practice the skills to make a stand and say NO
- Know that it is against the law for older people/ adults to engage in sex with anyone under 16 years old
When you say NO:
- Be direct and use strong body language
- Stand tall and square
- Face the person and look them straight in the eye
Examples of saying, “I don’t what to have sex yet”, you could say:
- “I really like you – I’m just not ready to have sex yet”
- “If you really care about me, you’ll respect my decision”
- “I said no. I don’t owe you an explanation”
- “I have made a decision to abstain from sex until I am older and ready”
- “I’d like you to respect my views”
- “Abstinence is the only 100% effective way to avoid pregnancy, STI and HIV infection”
- “What would happen if one of us got an STI or HIV or if I/you fell pregnant?”
- “I want to protect my fertility and life until I am ready to have a baby”
- “I want to finish school and secure my future”
- “I think sex before we are living together or married is wrong. I would feel bad if I went against my beliefs”
- “Let me tell you what I want in my life and where I want to be in three years’ time”
- “Having a baby or getting sick would stop me from getting to where I want to be”
- “Let me tell you about what my parents/ caregivers hope for me and how they would feel if I fell pregnant of got an STI or HIV”
If you can answer yes to any of these questions, you may be experiencing sexual coercion:
- Do you feel pressure from your partner or friends?
- Are there times you don’t want to have sex, but feel like you can’t say no?
- Have you ever had sex because you have been given money or gifts?
- Have you ever had sex because your partner said you have to prove that you love them?
- Have you ever had a sexual experience that left you frightened, angry or feeling guilty?
- Have you ever had sex without using a condom because your partner didn’t want to use one?
- It is wrong for older people to have sex with you, especially if you’re under 16
- They can go to prison for this
- It is wrong for them to touch your sexual organs
- Any touch that makes you feel afraid, shy or bad is wrong
- You always have the right to say NO to any touch or behaviour that you do not like
- Sexual abuse is never your fault
- No one has a right to ask you to keep sexual activity secret
Some tips you can say:
- “No, stop it, I don’t like that, go away, that’s wrong” to older adults who do things that make you feel bad
- Say that you will tell someone what they are doing
- Run away and/or shout for help so that others will hear what is happening
- You should not physically fight them unless you are sure that you are stronger than them
- It’s best to refuse gifts or promises of money from older people/ adults because they may expect sex afterwards
- Always try to move in pairs or groups when you have to be with an adult you do not know well
- Wear clothes, such as shorts and trousers that will give you more protection if you feel unsafe – sometimes more layers of clothes can help, but not always
- Avoid isolated places
- When you are with an older person/ adult, if you feel that something is wrong even if they don’t do anything, trust your feelings and get away from them
- Tell an adult you trust, if you don’t like the behaviour of a person even if it is a teacher, relative or family friend
- If they don’t listen to you, keep trying until you find someone else that will listen
Rape is sexual activity – specifically penetration or sexual violation of the genital organs or anus – perpetrated by one person against the will of another, either by using force or coercion, or by rendering the victim incapable of resisting.
The penetration of a genital organ or another object (such as finger or bottle) into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person without consent also constitutes rape.
More broadly, it may be defined as forcing a person to submit to any penetrative sex act and is generally considered one of the most serious crimes.
Rape is an act of violence that uses sex as a weapon.
Rape is never the fault of the victim. Victims of rape do what they need to in order to survive the attack.
There are many different types of rape that are important to distinguish as well.
Stranger rape
Happens when the victim does not know their offender. Many people believe that this type of rape only happens to women who dress in a certain way, walk alone at night, or park in parking garages. The reality of stranger rape it happens during the day and at night, to people from all different walks of life, and in lots of different places. Rape is never the fault of the victim.
Acquaintance rape
Describes rape where the victim and the perpetrator know each other. The perpetrator might be a partner, co-worker, best friend or neighbour. A high percentage of rapes happen among people who know one another.
Devastatingly, in many cases, a person is raped by someone they know, trust or love.
Date rape
Is a specific kind of acquaintance rape, referring to a rape that occurs between two people who are dating partners. Often the victim is emotionally manipulated, drugged or coerced into having sex with his or her partner.
Date rape often involves spiking of drinks. This means someone puts some kind of drug into your drink without you noticing. It is important for you to keep watch and protect your drink with you when you’re out.
Marital rape
One of the least talked about forms of sexual violence, is rape between married partners. Because of personal and societal barriers to reporting marital rape, it probably happens more often than is known. Even in a marriage, one partner is permitted to say NO to sex.
Child rape
Is when a child is raped.
Baby rape
Is the raping of a baby. These are unspeakably evil crimes.
Statutory rape
Children between 12 – 16 years old are capable of, but not mature enough to consent to sex. Any person who has sex with a child between the ages of 12 – 16 (even with the consent of the child), may be guilty of statutory rape (committing of an act of consensual penetration with a child). This also applies if two children between the ages of 12 and 16 have sex with each other.
Rape is terribly traumatic, so it’s easy to slip into ‘shut down’ or panic mode. It’s hard to do, but try to understand and remember that:
- Common sense is your best defence
- You cannot always defend yourself and your resistance may cause you serious injury
- If the attacker is violent, co-operate and try to negotiate – submission is not consent
- Try and remember what the attacker looks like – age, race, height, hair colour, scars, tattoos, clothes, voice, jewellery etc
- Scream, yell, blow your whistle or run away if you possibly can
- Do not bath or change your clothes after your attack – keep all the evidence so that it can be used by the police for further investigation
- Report the crime to the nearest police station straight away – go to the police station or phone 10111
- There are special places you can go for assistance. Please call Childline for assistance
- Request PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) medication to avoid HIV infection. It must be started within 72 hours of possible exposure to HIV.
Every victim of rape responds differently – but it is likely that you will benefit from help and support to come to terms with the trauma you’ve been through.
- do not allow a stranger into your home – even if something is being delivered or a service is being provided. Ask for an identity document or phone their office to check their identity
- invest in the best locks and security you can afford
- Never tell anyone that you are alone at home – make sure children also know not to do so
- Know your neighbours – and together plan ahead for how you will respond in a crisis
- Know your local police station – and discuss safety matters with the police
- Become involved in local crime prevention efforts with the community police forum
The following points provide a brief overview of a few of the legalities around unwanted sexual contact, but the law is very complicated.
Get legal advice if you are unsure.
Speak to a lawyer to clarify any legal questions.
All sexual offences committed against children must be reported to the police.
In terms of section 54 of the Act, knowledge of a sexual offence that has been committed against a child must be reported to the police immediately and failure to do so constitutes an offence and a fine or imprisonment for a period not exceeding 5 years may be imposed upon conviction of such a person.
- Sexual penetration of any person (irrespective of his or her age) without their consent constitutes rape.
- Sexual penetration of a child below the age of 12 years, even with the consent of the child, still constitutes rape.
- Sexual penetration of a child between the ages of 12 – 16 with their consent constitutes an offence, namely committing an act of consensual sexual penetration with a child.
- Sexual penetration of a person (including a child who is older than 16 years) with his or her consent DOES NOT constitute an offence.
- Sexual penetration of a mentally disabled person (irrespective of the age of the person, and with the consent of the mentally disabled person constitutes rape).
Violence and its role in teen pregnancy
Ukweshelana yisenzo sokuhlangana nixoxa emicimbini yezenhlalo enisuke nivumelane ngayo,emphakathini nihamba ndawonye njengazeshelani. Lokhu kungaba ukuba nesiphuzo ndawonye noma ukudla ndawonye, niyobukela ifilimu noma niye emdlalweni, noma niye ephathini ndawonye.
Iningi lentsha lididanisa ukujwayelana nocansi lapho lishela.
- Kungenzeka kube khona omeshelayo
- Noma kungenzeka ukuba khona omeshelayo oba socansini naye
- Noma kungenzeka ukuthi ube socansini nothile
Kunemiphumela enamandla yemizwa ehambisana nobudlelwano obunocansi, kodwa uma nisebancane anivamisile ukukubona lokhu.
Ngesinye isikhathi abantu bacabanga ukuthi uma beya ocansini nabathandana nabo lokhu kusho ukuthi bayogcina behlala ndawonye. Lokhu kuvame ukungabi njalo. Empeleni ngaphambi kokwenza ucansi, kungasiza ukuxoxa ngokuthi nilindele ini emva kwalokho nokuthi ukwenza ucansi kungasishintsha kanjani leso sinqumo.
Ngesinye isikhathi kulindeleke ukuba kwenziwe ucansi ngosuku enivumelene ngalo oluyingxenye yokweshelana kanti futhi eneshelana naye angase azithole ecindezelekile ukuya ocansini.
Abaningi abantu abasha abangena ebudlelwaneni obunocansi bagcina belimala emoyeni, babe nomuzwa wokwaliwa futhi bazizwe bephoxekile.
Ngesinye isikhathi uzithola ezimweni lapho imizwa enamandla ikwehlula.
Yima ucabange kuqala.
- Ungakwazi yini ukuvimbela ukukhulelwa?
- Ungakwazi yini ukukhuluma nothandana naye mayelana nezinsiza zokuvimbela ukuzala?
- Ungakwazi yini ukuvimbela izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi (STIs) kuhlanganisa negciwane lesandulela ngculazi (HIV)?
Khumbula ukucabanga ngemiphumela…
- Ucabanga ukuthi kungaba yini imiphumela yokuya ocansini olungavikelekile?
- Ucabanga ukuthi le miphumela ingayiphazamisa kanjani impilo yakho manje nangenkathi ezayo?
- Uzobhekana kanjani nale miphumela?
Kwesinye isikhathi ungangena esimweni lapho uphoqeka ukuba uye ocansini ungathandi.
Unelungelo lokuba uthi Qha!
Akekho onelungelo lokukuphoqa ukuba wenze ucansi, noma ngabe buyini ubudlelwano bakho naye.
Lokhu kusho ukuthi akekho ongakuphoqa ukuba wenze ucansi noma akuthinte ngandlela thile ngaphandle kwemvume yakho noma akuphoqe ukuba wenze izenzo zocansi ozithola zingajabulisi noma zilulaza.
Ziningi izinhlobo zocansi oluphoqelelwe:
Kubalulekile ukuqonda umehluko phakathi kwazo, nokuthi zihlotshaniswa kanjani.
Ngeshwa, ngenxa yokuthula kungadalulwa okuphathelene nokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi, zibe ningi izinkoleloze okuqhanyukwe nazo.
Izinkoleloze ezifana nalezi:
“Wacela ukudlwengulwa ngokugqoka leso siketi esifushane”
“Abesifazane kuphela abadlwengulwayo”
“Le ngane inamanga – uyise uyindoda elungile”
AKEKHO ocela ukudlwengulwa, nabadlwenguliwe akumele kusolwe bona ngokuziphatha komdlwenguli.
Njengoba ubona emdwebeni, lokhu kuziphatha kubandakanya:
- Ukudlwengula
- Ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi
- Ukuhlukunyezwa kwezingane ngokocansi
- Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi
- Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokobulili
- Ukuphoqwa ngokocansi.
Uchungechunge uluvamile lokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi ukungabi namandla nokwehluleka komgilwa ukulawula lesi simo.
Enye yezindlela zokuziphatha evamile ngokufuna ucansi ngokweqile ibizwa ngokuthi wucansi oluphoqiwe.
Ukuphoqa ngokocansi kunzima ukukuchaza ngoba kwesinye isikhathi kubanzima ukukubona.
Ukuphoqa kuchazwa ngokuthi “isenzo sokucindezela (noma sokuzama ukucindezela) omunye njengalokhu:
- ukuxhashazwa ngokomoya
- udlame
- izinsongo
- ingcindezi
- ukuphikelela ngamazwi
- okulindelekile ngokwesiko
- isimo somnotho, noma
- utshwala noma izidakamizwa
ukuya ocansini ngaphandle kwentando yakho”,,
futhi
“Ukuswela komuntu ukuzikhethela ngaphandle kwemiphumela enzima yezenhlalo, yesimo somzimba nesomoya”.
Ukubeka ngendlela elula, lokhu kusho ukuthi umuntu akakwazi ukuthi ‘qha’ ngoba ukholwa yikuthi uzobhekana nemiphumela enzima.
Isibonelo – ukushaywa, ukuthuliswa, ukwesatshiswa, ukuhlushwa emoyeni, ukwephucwa izinto, noma ukujeziswa ngandlela thile njl.
Ngesinye isikhathi uzithola ezimweni lapho uphoqwa khona ukwenza ucansi ungathandi.
AKEKHO ongakuphoqa ukuba wenze ucansi uma wena ungathandi.
Khumbula ukuthi unganquma ukuthi uyalufuna yini ucansi, ulufuna nini nokuthi ulufuna kanjani. Ungazikhethela wena. Umzimba ngowakho, ungazikhethela, isinqumo ngesakho kanye nelungelo ngelakho.
Umthetho uthi unelungelo lokuthatha izinqumo ngokukhulelwa.
AKEKHO ongakuphoqa ukuba wenze ucansi noma ukhulelwe uma kungesona isifiso sakho leso.
Uma kuzwakala kungalungile kuwena - akulungile. Lalela imizwa yakho.
Udlame ebudlelwaneni alwamukelekile.
Kwesinye isikhathi izithandani zike zicabange ukuthi kufanele zenze lokho okushiwo yintombi noma yisoka.
Abanye abafana bakholelwa ukuthi kuyilungelo labo ukwenza izinqumo.
Lokhu AKULUNGILE..
BOBABILI abathandanayo kumele bavumelane ngokuya ocansini nangemigomo abazobe belwenza ngaphansi kwayo. Uma omunye ephoqa athandana naye ukuba aye ocansini ngaphandle kwentando yakhe, lokho kuyimpoqo.
Njengoba sekushiwo, ukuphoqwa ngokocansi kunzima ukukuchaza. Ngoba kunezinto eziningi ezifihlekile – kwenzeka ezimweni eziningi ezahlukahlukene.
Ukuphoqwa ngaphansi kwengcindezi yokwenza ucansi nomuntu – ingcindezi lapha kungasho ukuphoqwa ngokomzimba, ngodlame ngamazwi noma ngokwephula umoya.
Ukuphoqwa ngokocansi kungenzeka ngisho usunesikhathi eside nithandana.
Amakhasi alandelayo achaza kangcono ukuphoqelela ngokukwehlukanisa ngezigatshana ezincane.
Ingcindezi engokomzimba yokufuna ukuthintana ngokobulili ibandakanya ukuqhubeka ukuqabula omunye noma engafuni.
Ukushaya, ukukhahlela, ukusakaza ngempama, nokucindelela phansi ohlukunyezwayo, ukuqhubeka nokuziphatha okungafanele ngokocansi noma sekuthiwa yeka.
Kungabandakanya ukubelesela, ukukhohlisa, ukwesabisa ngokuthi uzomala, ukumenza azizwe enecala ethi ”nokho wonke umuntu uyakwenza lokhu”.
Ukusebenzisa igunya ngokwesikhundla ukuthola ilungela lokuvunyelwa ukwenza ucansi. Ukwenza isibonelo: “Nakanjani uzothola amamaki amahle kulesi sigaba sonyaka ngokwemfundo uma singenza ucansi”.
Ingcindezi ngokukhuluma ingabandakanya ukusabisa ngokusebenzisa amandla, ukumemeza, ukumbeka izici, ukukhohlisa, ukuqamba amanga noma ngokuyenga ngamazwi. Isibonelo, “Uma singalwenzi ucansi namuhla ngizohamba ngingaphinde ngibuye”, lokhu wukuphoqa.
Ukunikeza izipho kanye/ noma imali, bese ulindela ucansi njengenkokhelo kuwukuphoqa.
Lokhu kuyisimo lapho kushintshiselwana ngocansi lapho owesilisa omdala ocebile (“umbusisi”) eyenga abesifazane abasebasha ”ababusiswa”) ngemali nezipho ezibizayo ukuze athole ucansi.
- Kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuphoqwa noma lokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi ungathuli.
- Funa usizo kumuntu omethembayo.
- Ngasosonke isikhathi bikela amaphoyisa ngokudlwengulwa.
- Onke amacala ocansi (okuhlanganisa ulwazi lwanoma yiliphi icala locansi elenziwa enganeni) kufanele abikwe emaphoyiseni.
Kuyilungelo lakho ukuphathwa ngendlela enesithunzi, ngokunemfihlo nangenhlonipho.
Utshwala nezidakamizwa kungaphazamisa ukwahlulela kwakho, kwenze kube nzima ukumelana nesimo socansi futhi kungabanga ulaka kulowo othandana naye.
Uma izidakamizwa zifakwa esiphuzweni sakho ungaquleka ube ngumgilwa wokudlwengulwa.
Isenzo sokusebenzisa utshwala ukuphoqa umuntu ukuba aye ocansini siyimpoqo.
Ukuthi cha komunye kungase kube nzima. Abanye abaxhaphazi basebenzisa kabi izinhliziyo zethu ezinhle nokwesaba kwethu ukuba luhlaza.
Ake sicabange lesi sibonelo. Intombazane isendaweni yokudlela futhi insizwa ithembisa ukuyithengela u “ice cream”
- Ngesizotha ithi: “Cha ngiyabonga”
- Iyaphikelela iyincenga ithi kuyo: ”kahle bo! wu-ice cream nje!”
- Iphinde ithi: “Cha ngiyabonga”. Ihambe le nsizwa iphinde ibuye etafuleni nawo “ice cream” ababili.
- Ithi: “Ngiyazi ubuthe awuwufuni u“ice cream” kodwa ke ngayozithengela owami, ngibone sengathi uzwa ukushisa!”
Manje, uma uwamukela u “ice cream( (noma isiphuzo isoda kumbe utshwala) ufundisa lo muntu ukuthi ukuphikelela encenga kungamenza akunqobe ekutheni kwakho QHA..
- Uma uthi: “Ngiyabonga, ngiyasincoma isenzo kepha nokho ngiyabonga, ”bese uwubeka phansi u“ice cream” bese uyahamba ungabukeka uluhlaza okwesikhashana.
Kepha ke iqiniso yileli:
- Uma ubungawucelile u“ice cream” awudingi ukuwudla u“ice cream” (noma uphuze isiphuzo) ukuze wenze omunye azizwe ebalulekile.
Imvume ingukuvumela ukuba okuthile kungenzeka noma isivumelwano sokwenza okuthile. Imvume yocansi ingukuvuma ukubamba iqhaza.
Imvume yilapho umuntu:
- enokukhetha ngokukhululekile ukubamba iqhaza
- esho ukuthi ufuna ukubamba iqhaza ngokucacile nangokukhuthala
- engashintsha umqondo wakhe noma nini futhi lesi sinqumo sihlonishwe
- ephapheme enolwazi futhi ecabanga
- eqonda ukuthi hlobo luni lwesenzo abavumelana ngaso
- engaphezu kweminyaka esemthethweni yokuthola imvume yocansi.
Imvume ngocansi ibalulekile kulokhu:
- Ukuqabula omunye nokuthinta izingxenye ezithile zobulili zomzimba wakhe ngokocansi
- Ukwenza ucansi esithweni sangasese, ngemuva noma ngomlomo
- Ukuthumela imiyalezo yocansi noma izithombe
- Ukungasebenzisi amakhondomu noma okunye kokuvimbela ukukhulelwa
Imvume yocansi ibalulekile kungakhathalekile ukuthi ubulili bakho buyini noma ngokocansi uyini.
Umuntu kufanele ukuba azwakalise kanjani ukuthi uyavuma?
Imvume kufanele ikhulunywe ngokucacile nangokukhululekile. Inkulumo yemvume yomlomo neqondile ingasiza wena nothandana naye ukuthi niqonde futhi nihloniphe imingcele yomunye nomunye.
Imvume ingenikwe yinoma ngubani:
- Ongaphansi kweminyaka yobudala (umuntu omdala angeke aye ocansini nanoma ubani oneminyaka engaphansi kweyi-16 noma nanoma ngubani oneminyaka osasalelwe ngemibili abe mdala ngokwanele)
- Odakiwe noma ondwazile ngenxa yezidakamizwa noma ophuze kakhulu utshwala
- Olele noma oqulekile
- Ongaphansi kwengcindezi yokuxhashazwa noma yokusongelwa
- Onamandla angaphezulu ngokwegunya elithile (isibonelo, njengokuya ocansini kukathisha nomfundi)
Isebenza kanjani imvume?
- Imvume imayelana nokuxhumana uma kuziwa odabeni locansi.
- mvume kufanele yenzeke ngasosonke isikhathi kulolonke uhlobo lomsebenzi nakuwo wonke umuntu obandanyekayo.
- Uma ngesinye isikhathi uvuma ukwenza okuthile kepha ungafuni ukukwenza ngesinye isikhathi, lokho kwamukelekile.
- Ukuvuma ukuqabula othile akumniki lowo muntu ilungelo lokuba akukhumule izingubo ozigqokile.
- Uma ulwenzile ucansi nomuntu othile esikhathini esedlule, akusho ukuthi nangesikhathi esilandelayo ufanele ulwenze futhi.
- Kubalulekile ukuba nivumelane ngemingcele nangezinkolelo nothandana naye ngaphambi kokuba nenze ucansi.
Ngingawushintsha yini umqondo wami noma ngasiphi isikhathi?
- Ungakwazi ukuhoxisa imvume noma nini uma uzizwa ungasakhululekile.
- Indlela yokwenza lokhu wukuxhumana ngokusobala nothandana naye umazise ukuthi awusakhululekile ngalokho enikwenzayo futhi usuyakuyeka.
- Ukuhoxisa imvume kungaba nzima ngesinye isikhathi ukukwenza ngomlomo, ungakudlulisela kuye lokho ngokusebenzisa izimpawu ezithile.
Iyini imvume engangabazeki?
- Imvume engangabazeki yileyo ezwakaliswa ngokucacile. Ngasosonke isikhathi lindela uyebo omsulwa ongenakho nakancane okungabazisayo, ongenawo amachaphazela ka “qha”.
- Imvume engangabazeki ungayedlulisa ngomlomo noma ngezimpawu ezithile zomzimba, njengokumamatheka, ngokubhekana ngqo ngamehlo noma ngokunqekuzisa ikhanda. Lezi zimpawu zokuzwakalisa imvume zizodwa azizwakalisi ngokwanele imvume, kepha ngokuthe xaxa zingaveza ukuqonda imvume yothandana naye.
- Kubaluleke ngasosonke isikhathi ukuthola isiqiniseko ngomlomo
- Ingxenye ebalulekile ngemvume kuwukuba ulokhu uhlola ukuthi othandana naye nisahambisana yini maqondana nayo.
Ngingaqiniseka kanjani ukuthi engithandana naye uyavuma ngasosonke isikhathi?
- Cela imvume ngaphambi kokuba uguqukele kolunye uhlobo noma kwelinye izinga ezenzweni ezithinta ucansi ngemishwana efana nokuthi ”Ingabe lokhu kulungile?”
- Hlola ukuthi nikuthokozela nobabili yini ngaphambi kokuqala noma yikuphi ukuthintana ngokomzimba. Uma kubonakala sengathi akafuni umthinte, ungamthinti.
- Yazisa othandana naye ukuthi angayeka noma nini uma ethanda.
- Hlola njalo othandana naye ngokubuza ukuthi “”Ngabe lokhu kusalungile?”
- Mazise ngendlela eyakhayo ngokwenzekile uma wanelisekile ngokwenzekile.
- Ngokuvulekile, vuma ngokucacile ekwenzeni izenzo ezithile, njengokuthi, “Ngingakuthokozela ukuzama.”
- Sebenzisa izimpawu ngomzimba ukwazisa othandana naye ukuthi usakhululekile ukuba aqhubeke.
Ukuziphendulela ngomzimba ezenzweni zocansi:
- Ukuziphendulela komzimba njengokuqhanyelwa, ukuba manzi, ukuvukelwa noma ukufika kuvuthondaba kuyazenzakalela, okusho ukuthi umzimba wakho ungase uziphendulele ngandlela thile ngisho noma ungavumi ukwenza ucansi.
- Abaxhaphazi ngokocansi bangase basebenzise ukuziphendulela komzimba ukwenza abagilwa badideke ngokusho amazwi afana nalawa: "Uyazi uluthandile". Akufanele ube namahloni ngokuziphendulela komzimba wakho.
- Impendulo yomzimba ayisho ukuthi uyavuma. Uma ngabe uhlukunyeziwe ngokocansi noma ulinyaziwe, akulona icala lakho kungakhathaleki ukuthi umzimba wakho uziphendulele kanjani.
Imvume AKUSIKHO:
- Ukunqaba ukwamukela ukuthi “qha”
- Ukuthi othandana naye uziqhelisile kokwenzayo, akaphenduli noma uphatheke kabi ngokuphawulekayo
- Ukugqoka izingubo ezithile, ukudlala ngothando noma ukuqabulana, akusona isimemo sanoma yini okunye.
- Umuntu ongaphansi kweminyaka esemthethweni yemvume engaphansi kweyi-16 (kumuntu omdala)
- Umuntu okhinyabezekile ngenxa yezidakamizwa noma uphuzo oludakanayo - uma othile equlekile, elele noma engeke akwazi ukunikeza imvume esebenzisekayo, akusiyo imvume.
- Ukuphoqelela umuntu ngokumsabisa
- Ukucabanga ukuthi unemvume ngoba uke wenza naye ucansi esikhathini esedlule.
Ukuthi QHA
Empilweni yansuku zonke siyasho sithi “qha” ngasosonke isikhathi, ngaphandle kokusebenzisa leli gama.
Uma kukhulunywa ngemvume yocansi, “ukuvele uthi qha” kuzwakala kuwukungabi nalwazi futhi ngokudabukisayo akusona iseluleko esinamandla kanti futhi kuyindlela ehlukile (yokwenqaba) kwezivame ukusetshenziswa empilweni yansuku zonke -eziningi zalezi zindlela, kaziliphathi kwakuliphatha.
Ingabe amadoda ayabona yini uma imvume ingekho?
- Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi amadoda anolwazi ngokulinganayo nabesifazane maqondana nokuthi kwenqatshwa kanjani.
- Amadoda ayakwazi ukuqonda futhi afunde izimpawu zomzimba ”ozithele phansi” izaba ezibakhona nezambatho umuntu angazikhumuleli ngokwakhe, njengokwenqaba ukuthintana ngokocansi.
- Akudingekile ukuba umuntu aze athi “qha” ukuze aqondwe njengowenqaba ucansi.
- Ukudlwengula nokuhlukumeza ngokocansi akwenzeki ngenxa yokungaqondi kahle- kuyinhloso yomuntu ukuba azibandakanye ekuziphatheni kocansi ngenkani. Ukudlwengula nokuhlukumeza ngokocansi kuyisenzo sobudlova namandla, akuphathelene nocansi.
Ukungabikho kuka “qha” akusho imvume kunoma yisiphi isimo
UKUQABULA NGAPHANDLE KWEMVUME
UKUQABULA NGEMVUME
- Kunezindlela ezicacile ngempela zokuthi “yebo” noma “hamba.’
- Kunezindlela ezilula ezicacile zokuthi “qha” noma “yima.”
- Futhi ngezinye izikhathi kungase kungabi lula kangako ukusho. Yingakho sidinga njalo ukuba sime sibuze!
Izimpawu eziluhlaza zubukeka kanje:
- Injabulo
- Izithandani ziyathintana
- Ukuqabulana ngothando
- Othandana naye ebamba isandla sakho esiqondisa ezingxenyeni zomzimba wakhe.
- Ukukhunyulwa kwezingubo ngaphandle ngokukhuthazwa.
- Wonk’umuntu kokwenzekayo ubandakanyeka ngokulinganayo nomunye , ucansi luyinto ababili abayenza ndawonye, hhayi nje into eyenziwa omunye komunye.
Ziyini izimpawu ezibomvu zemvume?
Imvume ingeke inikezwe uma umuntu:
- Engaphansi kweminyaka eyi-16 yobudala.
- Elele noma equlekile.
- Esebenzise izidakamizwa noma utshwala kangangokuba akakwazi ukuvuma noma ukwenqaba.
- Edidekile ukuthi ubani anaye.
- Engenasiqiniseko noma engazi ngesenzo socansi
Izimpawu ezibomvu yilezi:
- Ukuqhela
- Ukukhala
- Ukuzabalaza ezigcina egqokile
- Ukuqina komzimba noma ukuthula angakhulumi
- Ukwenza izaba
Uma umuntu onaye ebonisa noma yiziphi izimpawu ezibomvu yima ngokushesha. Ukuqhubeka kuzodala umonakalo noma ukulimala.
Yiziphi izimpawu eziyisexwayiso semvume?
Uma othandana naye engakuceli ukuthi ume kodwa futhi engakhombisi izimpawu eziluhlaza, yeka lokho okwenzayo futhi ubuze ukuthi kusahamba kahle yini. Uma enithandana naye eqinisekisa ukuthi kuhamba kahle kodwa umzimba wakhe uphikisana nalokho, zama enye indlela, zama ukushintshela kokunye okungaphathelene nocansi njengokubuka i-TV. Uma efuna ukuba niqhubeke nocansi, uzokuthinta akhombise ukuthi uyafuna ukuthintwa.
Izimpawu eziphuzi zingabukeka kanje:
- Ukushaya kwenhliziyo ngamandla
- Ukuphefumula kanzima
- Ukubalisa
- Ukuhlangana kwamehlo
- Ukuziphendulela komzimba ngokuqhanyelwa noma ngokuba “manzi.”
Ngimbuza kanjani engithandana naye ukuthi uthokozile yini?
Ukubuza ukuthi uyakuthokozela yini okwenzekayo kungaba nzima- ukwesaba ukwaliwa kuyiqiniso langempela. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuvimbela ukulimala kanye nokuqinisekisa ukuthi bobabili abathintekayo bajabula ngokulinganayo kwabahlangene ngakho, okujabulisayo okungenzeka futhi ngasosonke isikhathi.
Uma othandana naye ekhombisa izimpawu eziningi eziluhlaza, kepha futhi enophawu oluphuzi, kumbe ufisa ukuthola ukuthi usathokoza yini, ungabuza imibuzo efana nale “Uyakuthanda yini lokhu?” “Uthandani” “Ungathanda ukuba ngenzeni?” “Uyathanda yini ukuba ngi…?”
Ukubuza othandana naye kungase kungabi yinto elula, kepha ngoba ukuso lesi simo, ngeke kwamhlupha ukubuzwa kunalokho uzozibona ehloniphekile futhi enakekelwe, ebona ukuthi uyazikhathaza ngokuthi uphatheke kanjani. Kungcono ukubuza, noma kungelula kunokungabuzi kanti mhlawumbe uzizwa ehlukumezekile.
Izithombe zocansi ezinganeni ezingaphansi kweminyaka eyi-18
ENingizimu Afrika kuyicala ukubuka noma ukubandakanyeka noma ngaluphi uhlobo ezithombeni zocansi uma ungaphansi kweminyaka eyi-18. Kulicala futhi ukubuka lolo hlobo lwezithombe lapho abazibukayo beneminyaka engaphansi kweli 18, umdala noma ungemdala.
Imvume yokulalana kwezihlobo
“Ucansi lomndeni/ incest” yilapho amalungu omndeni ezibandakanya namanye amalungu awo lowo mndeni. Lokhu kuwukwephula umthetho. Umthetho unqabela lonke uhlobo lokuzibandakanya ocansini phakathi kwamalungu omndeni, noma ngabe labo banamiphi iminyaka yobudala. Ayikho imvume engaba khona yokwenza ucansi nesihlobo sakho segazi, nanalabo asebemukeleke njengamalungu alowo mndeni ngokomthetho.
Lokhu kusho ukuthi:
- Ogogo nomkhulu noma abazali ngeke baba nobudlelwano ngokwezocansi nezingane zabo noma nabazukulu
- Abafana namantombazane andawonye akufanele abe nobudlelwane bezocansi
- Umuntu owenza isenzo socansi nelungu lomndeni wakhe angangena ejele
Zikhona yini izikhathi lapho imvume ingeke yanikezwa nhlobo?
- Ukulala nezilwane kuphambene nomthetho
- Ukwenza ucansi noseshonile akukho emthethweni
- Uma abantu bebandakanyeka ezenzweni zocansi phambi kwengane
- Uma izingane zesikole ziqopha (record), zithatha izithombe zezenzo zocansi noma zedlulisele kwabanye nabangani, zingabekwa icala lokuhlukumeza ngocansi, nakuba zona ngokwazo bezingazange zibandakanyeke esenzweni socansi
- Uma umuntu ekhangisa (evula izingubo zakhe ebonisa ipipi, imomozi noma amabele) ikakhulukazi ezinganeni, ayikho imvume
- Ukuxhaphaza umuntu, ikakhulu ingane, ukuze uthole imali (ukwenza imali)
- Izenzo zocansi nanoma yimuphi umuntu okhubazekile ngokwengqondo (kungakhathaleki iminyaka yakhe) azivunyelwe
Kukho konke lokhu ungashushiwa ngokomthetho. Lokho kusho ukuthi ungabhadla ejele. Akufanele kwenziwe.
Ukuziphatha okungemukelekile okuphathelene nocansi, noma ukuziphatha okukwenza uzizwe ungakhululekile kuwukuhlukumeza ngokocansi
Funda ukubona lapho uzizwa ungakhululekile ngenxa yokuziphatha komunye umuntu. Lalela umzimba wakho, uzokutshela uma uzizwa ungaphephile.
Ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi kungase kuhlanganise noma yikuphi ukuthintana ngomzimba, ngamazwi noma ungakhulumanga nje. Ngokwesilinganiso kusukela nje ekuphawuleni okungamukelekile kanye nokuthinta okungafuneki – kuya ekunukubezweni ngokocansi nokudlwengula ngakolunye uhlangothi.
Ngenxa yokuthi buningi ubuqili (njengasodabeni lokuphoqelela), intsha eningi ayiqapheli ukuthi iyahlukunyezwa ngokobulili, futhi ayiqapheli ukuthi inamalungelo.
I“voyeur” ngumuntu othola injabulo yocansi ngokubuka imizimba yabantu benqunu noma izenzo zabanye zocansi, ikakhulu endaweni eyimfihlo.
Lokhu ngokujwayelekile kubizwa ngokuthi yi“voyeurism”,
Themba imizwa yakho futhi ulandele imizwa yakho yemvelo (instincts) uma uzizwa ungakhululekile ngesimo noma ngayiphi indlela noma ubona izimpawu zokuphoqeleka ngokocansi okungaba khona noma ukuhlukumeza.
Uma uzwa kungalungile - akulungile!
- Yisho ukuthi qha ngokugcizelela ubaleke ngokushesha
- Funa usizo uma kudingeka
- Gwema utshwala nezidakamizwa
Izidakamizwa notshwala:
- Kuphazamisa ukwahlulela kwakho
- Kwenza kube nzima ukumelana nesimo socansi
- Kwenza othandana naye avukwe ulaka
Funda ukwenza okufanele mayelana nengcindezi yocansi.
Hlala nabangani bakho, nixoxe futhi nizilolonge ngezindlela zokuthi qha.
Ukuze uthi QHA udinga lokhu:
- Yiba nogqozi (ube nezizathu zokuthi QHA ocansini)
- Funda ukuqaphela nokugwema izindawo nezimo lapho ongase ube sengozini khona - ungayi ezindaweni ezingenabantu futhi hambani ngamaqembu
- Funda futhi uzilolonge ngamakhono okuma entweni okholelwa kuyo ukwazi ukuthi QHA
- Yazi ukuthi kuphambene nomthetho ukuba abantu abadala bazibandakanye ezenzweni zocansi nezingane ezineminyaka yobudala engaphansi kweyi-16
Uma uthi QHA:
- Qonda ngqo futhi ukhombise nangomzimba uqinise
- Vuka indlobane
- Mbheke lowo muntu futhi umbheke ngqo emehlweni
Izibonelo zokuthi, “Angithandi ukwenza ucansi okwamanje”/ ungathi:
- “Ngikuthanda kakhulu – angikakulungeli ukuya ocansini okwamanje”
- “Uma ungikhathalela ngempela, uzosihlonipha isinqumo sami”
- “Ngithe qha. Angikukweleti incazelo”
- “Ngenze isinqumo sokungalwenzi ucansi kuze kube yilapho sengimdala futhi sengikulungele”
- “Ngingathanda uhloniphe imibono yami”
- “Ukuzithiba iyona ndlela esebenza ngokuphelele (100%) yokugwema ukukhulelwa, izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi kanye nokutheleleka nge HIV”
- “Kungenzekani uma omunye wethu eba nezifo ezithathelwana ngocansi noma nge HIV?”
- “Ngifuna ukuvikela inzalo yami nokuphila kwami kuze kube yilapho sengikulungele ukuba nengane”
- “Ngifuna ukuqeda isikole futhi ngivikele ikusasa lami”
- “Ngicabanga ukuthi ucansi alulungile ngaphambi kokuba sihlale ndawonye noma sishade. Ngingaphatheka kabi uma ngiphambana nezinkolelo zami”
- “Ake ngikutshele engikufunayo empilweni yami nokuthi ngifuna ukuba kuphi eminyakeni emithathu ezayo”
- “Ukuba nengane noma ukugula kuzovimba ukuba ngifinyelele lapho ngifuna ukuba khona”
- “Ake ngikutshele ngalokho abazali bami/abanakekeli bami abakuthembayo ngami nokuthi bazozizwa kanjani uma ngikhulelwa ngiba nezifo ezithathelwana ngocansi noma i-HIV”
Uma ukwazi ukuphendula ngo ‘yebo’ kunoma ngumuphi wale mibuzo, kungenzeka ukuba ubhekene nokuphoqwa ngokocansi:
- Ingabe uzizwa unengcindezi ebangelwa ngothandana naye noma ngabangani?
- Zikhona yini izikhathi lapho ungafuni ukuya ocansini, kepha ungakwazi ukwenqaba?
- Wake waya yini ocansini ngoba uphiwe imali noma izipho?
- Wake waya yini ocansini ngoba othandana naye ethi kumele ukhombise ukuthi uyamthanda?
- Uke waba yini socansini olukushiye uthukile, uthukuthele noma uzizwa unecala?
- Uke waba yini socansini ngaphandle kokusebenzisa ikhondomu ngoba othandana naye wayengafuni ukuba isetshenziswe?
- Akulungile ukuba abantu abadala baye ocansini nawe, ikakhulu uma uneminyaka engaphansi kweyi-16
- Bangangena ejele ngalokhu
- Akulungile ukuba bathinte izitho zakho zangasese
- Noma yikuphi ukuthinta okukwenza uzizwe wesaba, unamahloni noma uphatheke kabi akulungile
- Uhlale unelungelo lokuthi QHA kunoma yikuphi ukuthinta noma ukuziphatha ongakuthandi
- Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi akusilo icala lakho
- Akekho onelungelo lokukucela ukuba ugcine ucansi luyimfihlo
Amanye amasu ongawasebenzisa:
- Thani “Qha; Yeka, angikuthandi lokho, suka akulungile” kubantu abadala asebekhulile abenza izinto ezikwenza uzizwe kabi.
- Yisho ukuthi uzobikela othile ukuthi benzani
- Baleka futhi/noma umemeze ucele usizo ukuze abanye bezwe ukuthi kwenzekani
- Akufanele ulwe nabo ngokomzimba ngaphandle kokuba uqinisekile unamandla kunabo
- Kungcono ukwenqaba izipho noma izithembiso zemali ezivela kubantu abadala ngoba bangase balindele ucansi kamuva
- Zama njalo ukuhamba nibe ngababili noma ngamaqembu uma kufanele ube nomuntu omdala ongamazi kahle
- Gqoka izingubo, njengezikhindi namabhulukwe okuzokunikeza ukuvikeleka okwengeziwe uma uzizwa ungaphephile – ngezinye izikhathi ukwelakanisa izingubo eziningi kungasiza, kodwa hhayi njalo
- Gwema izindawo ezisithele emehlweni abantu
- Uma unomuntu omdala, uzwa sengathi kukhona okungalungile, noma engenzanga lutho themba imizwa yakho usuke kuye
- Yazisa umuntu omdala omethembayo, uma ungakuthandi ukuziphatha komuntu ngisho noma kunguthisha, isihlobo noma umngani womndeni
- Uma engakulaleli, qhubeka uzama uze uthole omunye ozolalela
Ukudlwengula kuyisenzo socansi - ukufakwa kwesitho ngokocansi noma ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi ezithweni zangasese noma ngemuva ezinqeni – kwenziwa ngomunye umuntu komunye ngaphandle kwentando yakhe, esebenzisa amandla noma ngokwenza lowo odlwengulwayo angakwazi ukumelana naleso simo.
Ukungena kwesitho sangasese noma enye into (njengomunwe noma ibhodlela) emlonyeni, esithweni sangasese somunye ngaphandle kwemvume yakhe kusho ukudlwengula.
Ngokubanzi, kungachazwa njengokuphoqelela umuntu ukuba athobele noma yisiphi isenzo sokungenwa ngokocansi, ngokujwayelekile lokhu kuthathwa njengelinye lamacala amakhulu.
Ukudlwengula kuyisenzo sobudlova esisebenzisa ucansi njengesikhali.
Ukudlwengula akusilona iphutha lodlwengulwayo. Abadlwengulwayo benza lokho okungabenza baphephe kulolu hlobo lokuhlaselwa.
Ziningi izinhlobo zokudlwengula okubalulekile ukuba sizahlukanise kahle.
Ukudlwengulwa ngongamazi
Kwenzeka lapho umgilwa engamazi omdlwengulile. Abantu abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi lolu hlobo lokudlwengula lwenzeka kuphela kwabesifazane abagqoka ngendlela ethile, abahamba bodwa ebusuku, noma abamisa izimoto zabo emagaraji okupaka. Iqiniso lokudlwengula umuntu ongamazi liwukuthi lokhu kwenzeka emini nasebusuku, kubantu abavela kuzozonke izizinda zokuphila, nasezindaweni eziningi ezahlukene. Ukudlwengula akusilona iphutha lodlwenguliwe.
Ukudlwengulwa ngomaziyo (omjwayele)
Kuchaza ukudlwengula lapho umgilwa nomdlwenguli bazana. Umenzi wobubi kungaba ngumuntu othandana naye, kungaba isisebenzi, umngani omkhulu noma umakhelwane. Ingxenye enkulu yokudlwengulwa yenzeka kubantu abazanayo.
Okubuhlungu, ukuthi ezikhathini eziningi umuntu udlwengulwa ngumuntu amaziyo, amethembayo noma amthandayo.
Ukudlwengulwa yisesheli (date rape)
Uhlobo oluthile lokudlwengulwa ngojwayelene nabo, kuchaza ukudlwengulwa okwenzeka phakathi kwabantu ababili abathandanayo, abasafundana. Ngokujwayelekile umgilwa uyengwa ngokuba azwele lo ofuna ukumdlwengula, anikwe izidakamizwa noma aphoqwe ukuba aye ocansini yilowo abasafundana naye.
Ukudlwengulwa ngosafundana naye kuvamise ukubandakanya ukufakwa kokuthile eziphuzweni. Lolu hlobo lokudlwengula luvame ukubandakanya ukulunjwa kweziphuzo. Lokhu kusho ukuthi othile ukufakela isidakamizwa esithile esiphuzweni sakho ungaboni. Kubalulekile ukuba uhlale uqaphile usivikele isiphuzo sakho nalapho usaphumile.
Ukudlwengulwa kwabashadile
Okunye okungavamile ukukhulunywa ngakho kakhulu kumayelana nodlame ngokocansi, ukudlwengulwa kwabashadile. Ngenxa yemigoqo yomuntu siqu kanye neyomphakathi mayelana nokubika ukudlwengula emshadweni, cishe kwenzeka kaningi kunalokho okwaziwayo. Ngisho nasemshadweni, omunye uvunyelwe ukuba athi QHA ocansini.
Ukudlwengula ingane
Yilapho kudlwengulwa ingane.
Ukudlwengulwa kosana
Lokhu kuwukudlwengulwa kwengane encane kakhulu. Lawa ngamacala amabi kakhulu ngendlela engachazeki.
Ukudlwengulwa komuntu osemncane (statutory rape)
Izingane eziphakathi kweminyaka eyi-12 kuya kweyi-16 ubudala zingahle zilwenze ucansi, kodwa azikhulile ngokwanele ukuvuma ukwenza ucansi. Noma ngubani owenza ucansi nengane eneminyaka eyi-12 kuya kweyi-16 (ngisho noma ivumile ingane), angaba necala lokudlwengula ingane(ukwenza icala lokuya ocansini nengane akuvumelekile). Lokhu futhi kuyenzeka uma izingane ezimbili eziphakathi kweminyaka eyi-12 kanye neyi-16 ziya ocansini.
Ukudlwengulwa kuhlukumezana kakhulu, lokho kwenza kube lula kumuntu ukuba akhungatheke noma abe sesimweni sokwethuka. Kunzima ukwenza, kodwa zama ukuqonda nokukhumbula lokhu:
- Ukusebenzisa ingqondo kungakuvikela kahle kakhulu
- Awukwazi ukuzivikela ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi ukumelana kwakho naleso simo kungase kukulimaze kakhulu
- Uma umhlaseli enodlame sebenzisana futhi uzame ukubonisana naye - lokho ngabe kungekhona ukumnika imvume
- Zama ukukhumbula ukuthi umhlaseli ubukeka kanjani – ubudala, uhlanga, ubude, umbala wezinwele, izingubo, izibazi, imidwebo, izingubo, izwi, ubucwebe njl.
- Memeza, dazuluka, shaya impempe noma ubaleke uma kungenzeka
- Ungagezi noma ushintshe izingubo zakho ngemuva kokuhlaselwa – gcina bonke ubufakazi ukuze busetshenziswe ngamaphoyisa lapho eqhubeka nophenyo
- Bika lelo cala ngokushesha esiteshini samaphoyisa esiseduze noma ushaye ucingo ku-10111
- Kunezindawo ezikhethekile ongaya kuzo ukuzze uthole usizo. Sicela ushayele i-Childline ukuze uthole usizo
- Cela imithi ye “PEP” (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) ukuze ugweme ukutheleleka nge-HIV. Kufanele iqalwe kungakapheli amahora angama-72 ukuze ungabi sengozini yegciwane lesandulela ngculazi
Abadlwenguliwe baziphendulela ngezindlela ezahlukene - kepha kungenzeka uhlomule osizweni nasekusekelweni ukuze wamukele ukuhlukumezeka adlule kukho.
- Ungavumeli umuntu ongamazi ukuba angene endlini yakho – ngisho noma kukhona okulethiwe noma kukhona okuzokwenziwa. Cela umazisi noma ushaye ucingo uluqondise ehhovisi labo ukuze uhlole ukuthi bangobani
- Sebenzisa imali ethe xaxa ukufaka izihluthulelo ezingcono uqinisekise ukuzivikela ngokusemandleni akho
- Ungatsheli muntu ukuthi uwedwa ekhaya – fundisa futhi nezingane ukuba zenze kanjalo
- Yazi omakhelwane bakho – ngokuhlanganyela nihlele ngaphambili ukuthi niyokwenzani esimweni esiyingozi
- Yazi isiteshi samaphoyisa – ukhulume nawo ngendaba ethinta ezokuphepha
- Zibandakanye nethimba lamaphoyisa emphakathini emizamweni yokunqanda ubugebengu
La maphuzu alandelayo anikeza umbono omfishane wemithetho embalwa mayelana nokuthinta ucansi olungafuneki, kepha lo mthetho ulukhuni kakhulu. Thola iseluleko somthetho uma ungaqinisekile.
Khuluma nommeli ukukucacisela noma yimiphi imibuzo ephathelene nomthetho.
Onke amacala ocansi enziwa ezinganeni kufanele abikwe emaphoyiseni.
Ngokwesigaba 54 somthetho, ulwazi mayelana necala locansi elenziwe enganeni kufanele lubikwe emaphoyiseni ngokushesha futhi ukwehluleka ukwenza lokho kuyicala kungaba nenhlawulo noma ukugqunywa ejele isikhathi esingeqile eminyakani emi-5 uma umdlwenguli elahlwe yilelo cala.
- Ukufaka isitho sangasese ngokocansi (sexual penetration) kunoma yimuphi umuntu (kungakhathaleki iminyaka yakhe) ngaphandle kwemvume yakhe kwenza lokho kube wukudlwengula.
- Ukufaka isitho sangasese ngokocansi enganeni eneminyaka engaphansi kweyi-12 ubudala noma ingane ininikeze imvume, lokho kuthiwa ngukudlwengula.
- Ukufaka isitho sangasese ngokocansi enganeni eneminyaka ephakathi kweyi-12 kuya kweyi-16 noma iyinikezile imvume yicala lelo, okungukuthi ukwenza isenzo sokungena enganeni ngokocansi ngokuvumelana nayo.
- Ukungena komuntu ngokocansi (okuhlanganisa nengane engaphezu kweminyaka eyi-16) ngemvume yayo AKULENZI icala.
- Ukufaka isitho sangasese ngokocansi kumuntu okhubazekile ngokomqondo (kungakhathaleki iminyaka yakhe, futhi nangemvume yakhe umuntu okhubazekile ngengqondo, kusho ukudlwengula).
Seksuele geweld
Dating is gewoonlik ‘n manier waarop twee mense saam ‘n sosiale aktiwiteit bywoon in die openbaar saam as 'n paartjie. Dit kan 'n drankie of 'n ete saam wees, na 'n fliek of 'n sportgeleentheid gaan, of selfs saam na 'n partytjie gaan.
Baie jongmense verwar dating met seks.
- Jy gaan dalk met iemand uit
- Of jy gaan dalk met iemand uit en het seks
- Of jy het dalk net seks met iemand
Daar is sterk emosionele gevolge wat met 'n seksuele verhouding kom, maar wanneer jy jonger is, besef jy dit dikwels nie.
Soms dink mense dat seks met hul maat beteken dat hulle saam sal bly. Dit is dikwels nie die geval nie. Ideaal gesproke, voor jy seks het, sal dit help om te praat oor wat julle albei verwag en hoe seks dit kan verander.
Soms is daar 'n verwagting om seks op 'n afspraak te hê en die maat voel onder druk om seks te hê.
Baie adolessente wat seksuele verhoudings betree, ervaar seerkry, verwerping en skaamte.
Soms kom jy in situasies waar baie sterk gevoelens jou kan oorwin.
Stop en dink eers
- Kan jy swangerskap voorkom?
- Kan jy met jou maat oor voorbehoeding praat?
- an jy SOI's insluitend MIV voorkom?
Onthou om oor die nagevolge te dink...
- Wat dink jy kan die gevolge van onbeskermde seks wees?
- Hoe dink jy sal hierdie gevolge jou lewe nou en in die toekoms raak?
- Hoe gaan jy die gevolge hanteer?
Soms kan jy in situasies kom waar jy gedwing word om seks teen jou wil te hê.
Jy het die reg om NEE te sê!
Niemand het die reg om jou tot seksuele aktiwiteite te dwing nie, maak nie saak wat jou verhouding met die persoon is nie.
Dit beteken dat niemand jou kan dwing om seks te hê of op 'n seksuele manier aan jou kan raak sonder jou toestemming of jou kan dwing om seksuele aktiwiteite uit te voer wat jy onaangenaam of vernederend vind nie.
Daar is baie verskillende tipes gedwonge seks:
Dit is belangrik om die verskille tussen hulle te verstaan, asook hoe hulle aan mekaar gekoppel is.
Ongelukkig, as gevolg van die stilte wat seksuele aanranding omring, is baie mites geskep.
Mites soos:
“Sy het gevra om verkrag te word deur daardie kort romp te dra”
“Slegs vroue kan verkrag word”
"Daardie kind lieg - die pa is 'n goeie man"
NIEMAND vra om verkrag te word nie, en ook nie slagoffers is te blameer vir die gedrag van die verkragter nie.
Om die web van ongewenste seksuele kontak te verstaan en hoe hulle almal gekoppel is:
Soos jy uit die diagram kan sien, sluit hierdie gedrag in:
- Verkragting
- Seksuele mishandeling
- Seksuele misbruik van kinders
- Seksuele aanranding
- Seksuele teistering
- Seksuele dwang.
Die algemene nagevolg van seksuele aanranding is die verlies aan mag en beheer wat die slagoffer ervaar.
Een van die mees algemene vorme van seksueel aggressiewe gedrag word seksuele dwang genoem.
Seksuele dwang is moeilik om te definieer omdat dit soms moeilik is om te herken.
Dwang word gedefinieer as "die daad om 'n ander individu te dwing (of te probeer dwing).
- emosionele manipulasie
- geweld
- dreigemente
- druk
- verbale aandrang
- kulturele verwagting
- ekonomiese omstandighede, of
- alkohol of dwelms
om seksuele kontak te hê teen sy of haar wil”,
en
"'n Persoon se gebrek aan keuse om 'n ander opsie te volg sonder ernstige sosiale, fisiese of emosionele gevolge."
Meer eenvoudig, dit beteken dat 'n persoon nie in staat is om nee te sê nie, want hulle glo dat hulle gevolge sal ondervind wat vir hulle moeilik kan wees.
Byvoorbeeld – geslaan, gedreig, emosioneel gemartel, van dinge ontneem, of op een of ander manier gestraf word, ens.
Soms kom jy in situasies waar jy gedwing word om seks teen jou wil te hê.
NIEMAND mag jou dwing om seks teen jou wil te hê nie.
Onthou jy kan besluit of jy seks wil hê, wanneer jy seks wil hê en hoe jy seks wil hê. Dis jou keuse. Dit is jou liggaam, jou keuse, jou besluit en jou reg.
Die wet sê jy het die reg om besluite te neem oor swangerskap.
NIEMAND mag jou dwing om seks te hê of swanger te raak as jy nie wil nie.
Dit voel vir jou verkeerd – dit is verkeerd. Luister na jou gevoelens.
Geweld in 'n verhouding is nooit aanvaarbaar nie.
Soms dink mense dat hulle moet doen wat hul kêrel/meisie sê.
Sommige mans/seuns glo dat dit hul reg is om die besluite te neem.
Dit is NIE reg NIE.
BEIDE persone moet instem om seks te hê, en op watter voorwaardes. As een persoon sy maat dwing om seksuele kontak teen hul wil te hê, is dit dwang.
Soos genoem, is seksuele dwang moeilik om te definieer omdat dit baie subtiliteite het – dit kom in soveel verskillende situasies voor.
Dwang onder druk om seksuele kontak te hê – druk kan in hierdie geval fisiese, verbale of emosionele druk beteken.
Seksuele dwang kan gebeur selfs wanneer jy lank in 'n verhouding is.
Die volgende bladsye verduidelik dwang beter deur die definisie in kleiner dele op te breek.
Fisiese druk om seksuele kontak te hê kan insluit om voort te gaan om die slagoffer te soen terwyl hy/sy probeer wegtrek.
Slaan, skop en klap, hou die slagoffer vas, gaan voort met die seksuele gedrag nadat hulle aangesê is om op te hou.
Kan insluit om te neul, te manipuleer, dreig om op te breek, om die maat skuldig te laat voel deur te sê dat "almal doen dit".
Gebruik 'n gesagsposisie om seksuele gunste te kry. Byvoorbeeld: "jy kan seker wees van goeie punte hierdie kwartaal as ons seks het".
Verbale druk kan dreig om fisieke geweld te gebruik, skree, bedrieëry, lieg of afpersing insluit. Byvoorbeeld, "As ons nie vanaand seks het nie, sal ek loop en nooit terugkom nie", is dwang.
Om geskenke en/of geld te gee, om dan seks as 'n terugbetaling te verwag, is dwang.
Dit is 'n vorm van transaksionele seks waar dikwels ouer ryk mans ("blessers") jong vroue ('blesses') verlei met geld en duur geskenke in ruil vir seksuele gunste.
- In die geval van enige tipe dwang of seksuele teistering, moenie stilbly nie.
- Soek hulp van iemand wat jy kan vertrou.
- Rapporteer altyd verkragting aan by die polisie.
- Alle seksuele misdrywe (insluitend kennis van enige seksuele oortreding wat teen 'n kind gepleeg word) moet by die polisie aangemeld word.
Dit is jou reg om met waardigheid, vertroulikheid en respek behandel te word.
Alkohol en dwelms kan jou oordeel benadeel, dit moeilik maak om 'n seksuele situasie te weerstaan en kan jou maat meer aggressief maak.
As dwelms in jou drankie geglip word, kan jy flou word en 'n slagoffer van afspraakverkragting word.
Die daad om alkohol te gebruik om iemand te dwing om seks te hê, is dwang.
Om vir iemand nee te sê kan baie moeilik wees. Roofdiere gebruik die 'sosiale kontrak', ons goeie harte en die vrees om onbeskof teenoor ons te wees.
Kom ons stel ons 'n scenario voor. 'n Meisie is by 'n kafee en 'n ou bied aan om vir haar 'n roomys te koop.
- Sy sê beleefd: "Nee dankie"
- Hy stoot haar en sê: “Komaan! Dit is net 'n roomys!”
- Weereens sê sy: "Nee dankie"
Hy gaan weg en kom terug na die tafel met twee roomyse.
- Hy sê: "Ek weet jy het gesê jy wil nie 'n roomys hê nie, maar ek het vir myself een gekry, en jy het warm gelyk!"
Nou, as jy die roomys (of koeldrank of alkoholiese drankie) aanvaar, leer jy die persoon dat dit net 'n bietjie aanhou van hulle verg om jou NEE te oorkom..
- As jy sê: “Dankie, ek waardeer dit maar nee dankie” en die roomys neersit en wegstap, lyk jy dalk op daardie oomblik onbeskof.
Die feit is:
- as jy nie vir die roomys gevra het nie,
- jy wou nie die roomys hê nie, en
- jy hoef nie die roomys te eet (of die drankie te drink nie)
om iemand anders magtig te laat voel.
Die kuns van "nee" (Jennifer P)
Toestemming is toestemming vir iets te gee om te gebeur of ooreenkoms om iets te doen. Seksuele toestemming is om in te stem om deel te neem.
Toestemming is wanneer iemand:
- kan vrylik kies om deel te neem
- kan sê dat hulle duidelik en aktief wil deelneem
- kan enige tyd van plan verander en hierdie besluit eerbiedig
- is wakker, bewustelik en rasioneel
- verstaan tot watter soort aktiwiteit hulle instem
- is bo die wettige ouderdom vir seksuele toestemming.
Seksuele toestemming is noodsaaklik vir:
- iemand te soen of enige deel van hul liggaam seksueel aan te raak
- met vaginale, anale of orale seks
- die stuur van seksuele boodskappe of beelde
- nie kondome of ander voorbehoedmiddels gebruik nie
Seksuele toestemming is noodsaaklik ongeag geslagsidentiteit of seksuele identiteit.
Hoe moet iemand toestemming uitspreek?
Toestemming moet duidelik en vrylik gekommunikeer word. ’n Verbale en positiewe uitdrukking van toestemming kan jou en jou maat help om mekaar se grense te verstaan en te respekteer.
Toestemming kan nie gegee word deur enigiemand wat:
- Is minderjarig ('n volwassene mag nie seksuele aktiwiteit hê met iemand onder die ouderdom van 16 of iemand wat twee jaar jonger as 'n tiener is nie)
- Is baie dronk of verbysterd van dwelms of alkohol
- Is aan die slaap of bewusteloos
- Is onder druk van afknouery of bedreiging
- Het 'n ongelyke magsdinamiek (bv: seksuele aktiwiteit met 'n onderwyser en student)
Hoe werk toestemming?
- Toestemming gaan oor kommunikasie wanneer dit by seksuele aktiwiteit kom.
- Toestemming moet elke keer vir elke tipe aktiwiteit met almal betrokke wees.
- As jy een keer instem om iets te doen, maar nie weer wil nie, is dit reg.
- Om in te stem om iemand te soen, gee nie daardie persoon toestemming om jou klere te verwyder nie.
- As jy in die verlede seks met iemand gehad het, hoef jy nie weer seks met hulle te hê nie.
- Dit is belangrik om grense en oortuigings met jou maat te bespreek voordat jy aan enige seksuele aktiwiteit deelneem.
Kan ek enige tyd van plan verander?
- Jy kan enige tyd toestemming onttrek as jy ongemaklik voel.
- Een manier om dit te doen is om duidelik aan jou maat te kommunikeer dat jy nie meer gemaklik is met hierdie aktiwiteit nie en wil ophou.
- Om toestemming te onttrek kan baie moeilik wees om verbaal te doen, so nie-verbale seine kan ook gebruik word om dit oor te dra.
Wat is entoesiastiese toestemming?
- Entoesiastiese toestemming is die positiewe uitdrukking van toestemming. Soek altyd na 'n definitiewe "ja" eerder as die afwesigheid van 'n "nee."
- Entoesiastiese toestemming kan verbaal of deur nie-verbale seine gekommunikeer word, soos positiewe lyftaal - glimlag, behou oogkontak en knik. Hierdie tekens van toestemming alleen verteenwoordig nie noodwendig toestemming nie, maar dit is ekstra besonderhede wat jou kan help om jou maat se toestemming te ken.
- Dit is altyd belangrik om mondelinge bevestiging te kry.
- ’n Belangrike deel van toestemming is om gereeld met jou maat te praat om seker te maak dat julle steeds op dieselfde bladsy is.
Hoe kan ek seker maak dat my maat heeltyd instem?
- Vra toestemming voordat jy die tipe of vlak van seksuele aktiwiteit verander met frases soos "Is dit reg?"
- Maak seker dat daar belangstelling van beide kante is voordat enige fisiese aanraking begin. As dit lyk of hulle nie wil hê jy moet aan hulle raak nie, moenie aan hulle raak nie.
- Laat jou maat weet dat hulle enige tyd kan stop.
- Bevestig gereeld by jou maat deur te vra "Is dit nog reg?"
- Gee positiewe terugvoer wanneer jy gemaklik is met 'n aktiwiteit. Vertel jou maat as jy van iets hou.
- Stem openlik in tot sekere aktiwiteite, hetsy deur "ja" te sê of 'n ander positiewe stelling, soos "Ek sal graag probeer".
- Gebruik fisiese seine om die ander persoon te laat weet dat jy gemaklik is om voort te gaan.
Liggaamlike reaksies op seksuele aktiwiteit:
- isiologiese of liggaamlike reaksies soos 'n ereksie, smering, opwekking of orgasme is onwillekeurig, dit beteken dat jou liggaam op een manier kan reageer selfs al stem jy nie in tot die aktiwiteit nie.
- Seksuele oortreders kan die feit dat die “liggaamlike reaksies voorkom” gebruik om die slagoffer verward te laat voel deur dinge te sê soos: "Jy weet jy het daarvan gehou". Jy moenie skaam voel vir jou liggaam se reaksie nie.
- 'n Fisiologiese reaksie beteken nie dat jy instem nie. As jy seksueel misbruik of aangerand is, is dit nie jou skuld nie, ongeag hoe jou liggaam fisies reageer.
Toestemming is NIE:
- Weier om "nee" te aanvaar
- 'n Maat wat onbewis is, nie reageer nie of merkbaar ontsteld is
- Om sekere klere te dra, te flankeer of te soen is nie 'n uitnodiging vir enigiets meer nie
- Iemand onder die wettige ouderdom van toestemming van 16 (vir 'n volwassene)
- Iemand wat gestremd is as gevolg van dwelms of alkohol – as iemand verbysterd is, slaap of nie aktiewe toestemming kan gee nie, is dit nie toestemming nie
- Om iemand te druk deur vrees of intimidasie te gebruik
- Gestel jy het toestemming omdat jy in die verlede seks gehad het
Sê NEE
In die alledaagse lewe sê ons heeltyd “nee”, sonder om eintlik die woord te sê.
Wanneer dit by seksuele toestemming kom, is “sê net nee” naïef en ongelukkig nie baie effektiewe advies nie, aangesien dit die komplekse maniere waarop weiering in die alledaagse lewe uitgevoer word, ignoreer - waarvan baie die woord 'nee' heeltemal weglaat.
Kan mans sê wanneer daar geen toestemming is nie?
- Studies toon dat mans net so goed ingelig is oor hoe weiering gedoen word as vroue.
- Mans kan liggaamstaal verstaan en lees wat 'koud' word, verskonings word gemaak en klere wat nie vrywillig afkom nie as 'n weiering vir seksuele intimiteit.
- Dit behoort nie vir 'n persoon nodig te wees om 'nee' te sê nie sodat hulle verstaan word as hulle seks weier.
- Afspraakverkragting en seksuele aanranding gebeur nie as gevolg van misverstande nie – dit is die bedoeling van die persoon om aan gedwonge seksuele gedrag deel te neem. Verkragting en seksuele aanranding is dade van geweld en mag, nie oor die seks nie.
Die afwesigheid van "nee" stel nie toestemming in enige situasie uit nie
SOEN SONDER TOESTEMMING
SOEN MET TOESTEMMING
- Daar is baie duidelike maniere om "ja" of "gaan" te sê;
- Daar is baie duidelike maniere om "nee" of "stop" te sê
- En soms is dit dalk nie so maklik om te sê nie. Daarom moet ons altyd stilstaan en vra!
Goen seine kan soos volg lyk:
- opgewondenheid
- beide persone aan mekaar raak
- passievol soen
- jou maat neem jou hand en rig dit na dele van hul liggaam
- uittrek van klere sonder aanmoediging
- almal deel ewe veel in wat gebeur - seks is iets wat mense saam doen, nie iets wat een persoon aan 'n ander persoon doen nie.
Wat is Rrooi Seine van Toestemming?
Toestemming kan nie gegee word indien 'n persoon:
- is onder 16 jaar oud
- slaap of bewusteloos is
- so deur dwelms of alkohol beinvloed word dat hulle nie kan instem of weier nie
- is verward oor wie die ander persoon is
- onseker of onbewus is van die seksuele daad
Rooi seine is:
- wegtrek
- huil
- sukkel om klere aan te hou
- vries of stil word
- verskonings maak
As die persoon met wie jy is enige van die rooi seine vertoon, stop dadelik. Om voort te gaan sal skade veroorsaak.
Wat is Waarskuwingseine van Toestemming?
As jou maat jou nie vra om op te hou nie, maar ook geen groen seine wys nie, stop wat jy doen en vra of alles reg is. As jou maat jou verseker alles is reg met hulle, maar hul lyftaal dui steeds anders aan, probeer om oor te skakel na iets nie-seksueel soos TV kyk. As hulle gretig is om intiem te wees, sal hulle weer kontak begin.
Oranje seine kan soos volg lyk:
- Verhoogde hartklop
- swaar asemhaling
- kreun
- oogkontak
- fisiologiese reaksies soos 'n ereksie of natheid
Hoe vra ek of my maat hulself geniet?
Om te vra of iemand geniet wat jy doen, kan moeilik wees - vrees vir verwerping is baie werklik. Maar dit is noodsaaklik om ongemaklikheid te voorkom en om te verseker dat beide partye 'n ewe prettige, aangename ervaring het, wat heeltyd kan en gebeur!
As jou maat vir jou 'n klomp groen seine wys, maar ook 'n oranje sein, of jy wil seker maak dat hulle nog gelukkig is, kan jy vrae vra soos "Hou jy daarvan?" "Waarvan hou jy?" “Wat wil jy hê moet ek doen?” “Wil jy hê ek moet...”
Om jou maat te vra, kan dalk ongemaklik voel, maar as hulle daarvan hou, gaan hulle nie omgee om gevra te word nie. Dit sal jou maat gerespekteer en versorg laat voel om te weet dat jy omgee vir hoe hulle voel. Dit is baie beter om te vra en 'n bietjie ongemaklik te voel as om nie te vra en hulle geskend te laat voel nie.
Kinderpornografie onder die ouderdom van 18
In Suid-Afrika is dit onwettig om enige vorm van pornografie te kyk of daaraan deel te neem as jy onder die ouderdom van 18 is. Dit is ook onwettig om pornografie te kyk waar die deelnemer onder die ouderdom van 18 is, of jy 'n volwasse is of nie.
Bloedskande toestemming
Bloedskande is wanneer familielede seks met mekaar het. Dit is onwettig. Die wet verbied alle seksuele dade tussen familielede, ongeag ouderdom. Daar kan geen toestemming tot 'n seksuele daad met 'n familielid in dieselfde bloedlyn of aanneemfamilielede wees nie.
Dit beteken dat:
- Grootouers of ouers mag geen seksuele verhoudings met hul kinders of kleinkinders hê nie
- Broers en susters mag geen seksuele verhoudings hê nie
- Die persoon wat die daad teen hul familielid verrig, kan tronk toe gaan
Is daar tye dat toestemming glad nie gegee kan word nie?
- Bestialiteit (seks met diere) is teen die wet
- Nekrofilie (seks met iemand of iets wat dood is) is onwettig
- As mense seksuele dade aangaan voor 'n kind
- As skoolkinders seksuele dade opneem, foto's neem of na ander kontakte en vriende deurstuur, kan hulle van seksuele aanranding aangekla word, al was hulle self nie by die seksuele daad betrokke nie
- As 'n persoon 'flits' (maak hul klere oop en wys hul penis, vagina of borste) veral aan kinders, is daar geen toestemming nie
- Uitbuiting van 'n persoon, veral 'n kind, vir finansiële gewin (om geld te maak)
- Seksuele dade met enige persoon wat geregistreer is as 'n persoon met 'n verstandelike gestremdheid (ongeag hul ouderdom) is verbode
Dit is almal krimineel vervolgbaar deur die wet. Dit beteken jy kan tronk toe gaan. Maar moet dit net nie doen nie.
Onwelkome gedrag van 'n seksuele aard, of gedrag wat jou ongemaklik laat voel, is seksuele teistering.
Leer om te herken wanneer jy ongemaklik voel as gevolg van 'n ander persoon se gedrag. Luister na jou liggaam, dit sal jou vertel wanneer jy onveilig voel.
Seksuele teistering kan enige ongewenste fisiese, verbale of nie-verbale kontak insluit. Die skaal wissel van ongewenste kommentaar en ongewenste aanraking aan die een kant – tot seksuele aanranding en verkragting aan die ander kant.
Omdat daar soveel subtiliteite is (soos in die geval van dwang), besef baie jongmense nie dat hulle seksueel geteister word nie, en besef ook nie dat hulle enige regte het nie.
'n Voyeur is 'n persoon wat seksuele opwinding kry deur die naakte liggame of seksuele dade van ander waar te neem, veral vanuit 'n geheime uitkykpunt.
Dit word algemeen voyeurisme genoem.
Vertrou jou gevoelens en volg jou instinkte as jy op enige manier ongemaklik voel met ’n situasie of tekens van moontlike seksuele dwang of teistering herken.
As dit verkeerd voel – is dit verkeerd!
- Sê beslis nee en gaan dan dadelik
- Soek hulp indien nodig
- Vermy alkohol en ander dwelms
Dwelms en alkohol kan:
- Oordeel beinvloed
- Maak dit moeiliker om 'n seksuele situasie te weerstaan
- Maak jou maat meer aggressief
Leer om op seksuele druk te reageer.
Sit saam met jou vriende, praat oor en oefen maniere om NEE te sê.
Om NEE vir seks te sê, moet jy:
- Wees gemotiveerd (het redes om NEE vir seks te sê)
- Leer om plekke en situasies te herken en te vermy waar jy in gevaar kan wees – moenie na verlate plekke toe gaan nie en gaan altyd in groepe uit
- Leer en oefen die vaardighede om standpunt in te neem en NEE te sê
- Weet dat dit teen die wet is vir ouer mense/volwassenes om seks te hê met enigiemand onder 16 jaar oud
Wanneer jy NEE sê:
- Wees direk en gebruik sterk lyftaal
- Staan hoog en vierkantig
- Kyk na die persoon en kyk hom reguit in die oë
Voorbeelde: "Ek wil nog nie seks hê nie", kan jy sê:
- “Ek hou regtig van jou - ek is nog net nie gereed om seks te hê nie"
- “As jy regtig vir my omgee, sal jy my besluit respekteer"
- “Ek het nee gesê. Ek skuld jou nie 'n verduideliking nie"
- “Ek het 'n besluit geneem om van seks te onthou totdat ek ouer en gereed is"
- “Ek wil hê jy moet my siening respekteer"
- “Onthouding is die enigste 100% effektiewe manier om swangerskap, SOI en MIV-infeksie te vermy"
- “Wat sou gebeur as een van ons 'n SOI of MIV kry of as ek swanger raak?"
- “Ek wil my vrugbaarheid en lewe beskerm totdat ek gereed is om 'n baba te hê"
- “Ek wil skool klaarmaak en my toekoms verseker”
- “Ek dink seks voor ons saamwoon of getroud is, is verkeerd. Ek sou sleg voel as ek teen my oortuigings ingaan.”
- “Kom ek sê vir jou wat ek in my lewe wil hê en waar ek oor drie jaar wil wees"
- “Om 'n baba te hê of siek te word, sal my keer om te kom waar ek wil wees"
- “Kom ek vertel jou wat my ouers/versorgers vir my hoop en hoe hulle sou voel as ek swanger sou raak of 'n SOI of MIV kry"
As jy ja kan antwoord op enige van hierdie vrae, ervaar jy dalk seksuele dwang:
- Voel jy druk van jou maat of vriende?
- Is daar tye wat jy nie seks wil hê nie, maar voel jy kan nie nee sê nie?
- Het jy al ooit seks gehad omdat jy geld of geskenke gegee is?
- Het jy al ooit seks gehad omdat jou maat gesê het jy moet bewys dat jy van hulle hou?
- Het jy al ooit 'n seksuele ervaring gehad wat jou bang, kwaad of skuldig laat voel het?
- Het jy al ooit seks gehad sonder om 'n kondoom te gebruik omdat jou maat nie een wou gebruik nie?
- Dit is verkeerd vir ouer mense om seks met jou te hê, veral as jy jonger as 16 is
- Hulle kan tronk toe gaan hiervoor
- Dit is verkeerd dat hulle aan jou geslagsorgane raak
- Enige aanraking wat jou bang, skaam of sleg laat voel, is verkeerd
- Jy het altyd die reg om NEE te sê vir enige aanraking of gedrag waarvan jy nie hou nie
- Seksuele misbruik is nooit jou skuld nie
- Niemand het die reg om jou te vra om seksuele aktiwiteit geheim te hou nie
'n Paar wenke wat jy kan sê:
- “Nee, stop dit, ek hou nie daarvan nie, gaan weg, dit is verkeerd" aan ouer volwassenes wat dinge doen wat jou laat sleg voel
- Sê dat jy vir iemand sal vertel wat hulle doen
- Hardloop weg en/of skree om hulp sodat ander sal hoor wat gebeurardloop weg en/of skree om hulp sodat ander sal hoor wat gebeur
- Jy moet nie fisies teen hulle veg nie, tensy jy seker is dat jy sterker as hulle is
- Dit is die beste om geskenke of beloftes van geld van ouer mense/volwassenes te weier omdat hulle daarna seks kan verwag
- Probeer altyd om in pare of groepe te beweeg wanneer jy by 'n volwassene moet wees wat jy nie goed ken nie
- Dra klere, soos kortbroeke en langbroeke wat jou meer beskerming sal gee as jy onveilig voel – soms kan meer lae klere help, maar nie altyd nie
- Vermy geïsoleerde plekke
- Wanneer jy by 'n ouer persoon/volwasse persoon is, as jy voel dat iets verkeerd is, selfs al doen hulle niks, vertrou jou gevoelens en kom weg van hulle
- ertel 'n volwassene wat jy vertrou as jy nie van die gedrag van 'n persoon hou nie, al is dit 'n onderwyser, familielid of familievriend
- As hulle nie na jou luister nie, hou aan probeer totdat jy iemand anders kry wat sal luister
Verkragting is seksuele aktiwiteit – spesifiek penetrasie of seksuele skending van die geslagsorgane of anus – wat deur een persoon gepleeg word teen die wil van 'n ander, hetsy deur geweld of dwang te gebruik, of deur die slagoffer onbekwaam te maak om weerstand te bied.
Die penetrasie van 'n geslagsorgaan of 'n ander voorwerp (soos vinger of bottel) in die mond, anus of vagina van 'n ander persoon sonder toestemming is ook verkragting.
Anders gestel, kan dit gedefinieer word as om 'n persoon te dwing om hom aan enige penetrerende seksdaad te onderwerp en word oor die algemeen as een van die ernstigste misdade beskou.
Verkragting is 'n daad van geweld wat seks as 'n wapen gebruik.
Verkragting is nooit die slagoffer se skuld nie. Slagoffers van verkragting doen wat hulle moet om die aanval te oorleef.
Daar is baie verskillende soorte verkragting wat ook belangrik is om te onderskei.
Vreemdeling verkragting
Gebeur wanneer die slagoffer nie hul oortreder ken nie. Baie mense glo dat hierdie tipe verkragting net gebeur met vroue wat op 'n sekere manier aantrek, snags alleen stap of in parkeergarages parkeer. Die realiteit van vreemdeling verkragting, dit gebeur gedurende die dag en in die nag, met mense van alle verskillende vlakke van die lewe, en in baie verskillende plekke. Verkragting is nooit die slagoffer se skuld nie.
Kennis verkragting
Waar die slagoffer en die oortreder mekaar ken. Die oortreder kan 'n maat, medewerker, beste vriend of buurman wees. ’n Hoë persentasie verkragtings vind plaas onder mense wat mekaar ken.
Ongelukkig in baie gevalle word 'n persoon verkrag deur iemand wat hulle ken, vertrou of liefhet.
Afspaak verkragting (“Date Rape”)
Is 'n spesifieke soort kennisverkragting, wat verwys na 'n verkragting wat plaasvind tussen twee mense wat uitgaanmaats is. Dikwels word die slagoffer emosioneel gemanipuleer, bedwelm of gedwing om seks met sy of haar maat te hê.
Afspraak verkragting behels dikwels die aanvulling van drankies. Dit beteken dat iemand 'n soort dwelmmiddel in jou drankie sit sonder dat jy dit agterkom. Dit is belangrik vir jou om dop te hou en jou drankie saam met jou te beskerm wanneer jy uit is.
Huweliksverkragting
Een van die vorme van seksuele geweld waaroor die minste gepraat word, is verkragting tussen getroude maats. As gevolg van persoonlike en maatskaplike hindernisse om huweliksverkragting aan te meld, gebeur dit waarskynlik meer gereeld as wat bekend is. Selfs in 'n huwelik word een maat toegelaat om NEE vir seks te sê.
Kinderverkragting
Is wanneer 'n kind verkrag word.
Baba verkragting
Is die verkragting van 'n baba. Dit is onuitspreeklike bose misdade.
Statutêre verkragting
Kinders tussen 12 – 16 jaar oud is in staat tot seks, maar is nie volwasse genoeg nie. Enige persoon wat seks het met 'n kind tussen die ouderdomme van 12 – 16 (selfs met die toestemming van die kind), kan skuldig wees aan statutêre verkragting (die pleeg van 'n daad van konsensuele penetrasie met 'n kind). Dit geld ook as twee kinders tussen die ouderdomme van 12 en 16 seks met mekaar het.
Verkragting is verskriklik traumaties, so dit is maklik om in 'shut down' of paniekmodus te glip. Dit is moeilik om te doen, maar probeer dit verstaan en onthou:
- Gesonde verstand is jou beste verdediging
- Jy kan jouself nie altyd verdedig nie en jou weerstand kan jou ernstige beserings veroorsaak
- As die aanvaller gewelddadig is, werk saam en probeer onderhandel – voorlegging is nie toestemming nie
- Probeer onthou hoe die aanvaller lyk – ouderdom, ras, lengte, haarkleur, letsels, tatoeëermerke, klere, stem, juweliersware, ens.
- Skree, skree, blaas jou fluitjie of hardloop weg as jy moontlik kan
- Moenie bad of ander klere aantrek ná jou aanval nie – hou al die bewyse sodat dit deur die polisie vir verdere ondersoek gebruik kan word
- Meld die misdaad dadelik by die naaste polisiestasie aan – gaan na die polisiestasie of skakel 10111
- Daar is spesiale plekke waarheen jy kan gaan vir hulp. Skakel asseblief Childline vir bystand
- Versoek PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) medikasie om MIV-infeksie te vermy. Dit moet binne 72 uur na moontlike blootstelling aan MIV begin word.
Elke slagoffer van verkragting reageer anders – maar dit is waarskynlik dat jy sal baat by hulp en ondersteuning om die trauma waardeur jy is te verwerk.
- Moenie ’n vreemdeling in jou huis toelaat nie – selfs al word iets afgelewer of ’n diens gelewer word. Vra vir 'n identiteitsdokument of bel hul kantoor om hul identiteit na te gaan
- Belê in die beste slotte en sekuriteit wat jy kan bekostig
- Moet nooit vir iemand sê dat jy alleen by die huis is nie – maak seker dat kinders ook weet om dit nie te doen nie
- Ken jou bure – en beplan saam hoe jy in ’n krisis gaan reageer
- Ken jou plaaslike polisiestasie – en bespreek veiligheidsaangeleenthede met die polisie
- Raak betrokke by plaaslike misdaadvoorkomingspogings met die gemeenskapspolisieforum
Die volgende punte gee 'n kort oorsig van 'n paar van die wettigheid rondom ongewenste seksuele kontak, maar die wet is baie ingewikkeld. Kry regsadvies as jy onseker is.
Praat met 'n prokureur om enige regsvrae uit te klaar.
Alle seksuele misdrywe wat teen kinders gepleeg word, moet by die polisie aangemeld word.
Ingevolge artikel 54 van die Wet moet kennis van 'n seksuele misdryf wat teen 'n kind gepleeg is onmiddellik by die polisie aangemeld word en versuim om dit te doen is 'n misdryf en 'n boete of gevangenisstraf vir 'n tydperk van hoogstens 5 jaar kan opgelê word, by skuldigbevinding van so 'n persoon.
- Seksuele penetrasie van enige persoon (ongeag sy of haar ouderdom) sonder hul toestemming is verkragting.
- Seksuele penetrasie van 'n kind onder die ouderdom van 12 jaar, selfs met die toestemming van die kind, tel steeds as verkragting.
- Seksuele penetrasie van 'n kind tussen die ouderdomme van 12 – 16 met hul toestemming is 'n misdryf, naamlik om 'n daad van konsensuele seksuele penetrasie met 'n kind te pleeg.
- Seksuele penetrasie van 'n persoon (insluitend 'n kind wat ouer as 16 jaar is) met sy of haar toestemming, IS NIE 'n misdryf nie.
- Seksuele penetrasie van 'n verstandelik gestremde persoon (ongeag die ouderdom van die persoon, en met die toestemming van die verstandelik gestremde persoon), is verkragting.
Pefo le karolo ea eona ho imang ha bacha
Ho tshehisana ka tsa marato hangata ke ho kopana le motho le ho etsa ntho eo bobedi ba lona le dumellanang ka yona, le le baratani bathong. Hona e ka ba ho nwa seno kapa ho ja dijo mmoho, ho ya moving kapa dipapading, kapa le hona ho ya moketeng mmoho.
Batjha ba bangata ba kopanya setswalle se tshehisanang ka tsa marato le thobalano.
- O ka nna wa tshehisana le motho ya itseng ka tsa marato
- Kapa o ka nna wa tshehisana le motho ya itseng ka tsa marato le ho etsa thobalano le yena
- Kapa o ka nna wa etsa thobalano le motho ya itseng feela
Ho na le ditlamorao tsa maikutlo a matla a tlang le kamano ya thobalano, empa ha o le monyane hangata ha o lemohe sena.
Ka dinako tse ding batho ba nahana hore ho etsa thobalano le balekane ba bona ho bolela hore ba tla dula mmoho. Hangata hona ha ho etsahale. Ha e le hantle, pele ho etswa thobalano ho ka thusa ho bua ka seo bobedi ba lona le se lebelletseng le kamoo ho etsa thobalano ho ka fetolang seo.
Ka dinako tse ding ho na le tebello ya ho etsa thobalano ha le tswile mmoho mme molekane a ikutlwe a qobellwa ho etsa thobalano.
Batjha ba bangata ba kenang dikamanong tsa thobalano ba utlwiswa bohloko, ba a lahlwa le hona ho phoqahala.
Ka dinako tse ding o kena maemong moo maikutlo a matla a ka o hlolang ho a laola.
Emisa o nahane pele.
- Na o ka thibela boimana?
- Na o ka bua le molekane wa hao ka dithibelapelehi?
- Na o ka thibela diSTI tse kenyeletsang HIV?
Hopola ho nahana ka ditlamorao…
- O nahana hore ditlamorao tsa ho etsa thobalano e sa bolokehang e ka ba dife?
- O nahana hore ditlamorao tsena di ka ama bophelo ba hao jwang hona jwale le nakong e tlang?
- O tla etsa jwang ka ditlamorao?
Ka dinako tse ding o ka ba maemong ao o qobellehileng ho etsa thobalano ho oona o sa batle.
O na le tokelo ya hore TJHE!
Ha ho na motho ya nang le tokelo ya ho o qobella ho etsa thobalano, ho sa kgathalatsehe hore kamano ya hao le motho eo ke efe.
Hona ho bolela hore ha ho na motho ya ka o qobellang ho etsa thobalano kapa a o tshwara-tshwara ka tsela e amanang le diketso tsa thobalano ntle le tumello ya hao kapa a o qobella ho etsa thobalano eo o sa e thabeleng kapa e o swabisang.
Ho na le mefuta e mengata e fapaneng ya thobalano e qobellwang:
Ho bohlokwa ho utlwisisa diphapang pakeng tsa tsona, mmoho le kamoo di amanang ka teng.
Ka bomadimabe, ka lebaka la ho thola ha batho ka ho utlwiswa bohloko ka thobalano, ho bile le ditumelakgwela tse ngata.
Ditumelakgwela tse kang:
“O kopilwe ho betwa ka ho apara moaparo o mo kgutshwane”
“Ke basadi feela ba ka betwang”
“Ngwana eo o bua leshano – ntate ke motho ya lokileng haholo”
HA HO NA MOTHO ya kopilweng ho betwa, kapa hore mahlatsipa a tshwauwe phoso ka lebaka la boitshwaro ba motho ya betileng.
Ho utlwisisa dintho tse ngata tse kopaneng tsa dikamano tse sa batlweng tsa diketso tsa thobalano le kamoo kaofela ha tsona di amanang ka teng:
Jwalo ka ha o bona setshwantshong, boitshwaro bona bo kenyeletsa:
- Peto
- tlhekefetso ka thobalano
- tlhekefetso ya bana ka thobalano
- ho utlwiswa bohloko mmeleng ka thobalano
- tlhekefetso ka thobalano
- kgatello ya ho etsa thobalano.
Tsela e tlwaelehileng eo motho a fihlelang qeto ka yona ka ho utlwiswa bohloko ka thobalano ke ho lahlehelwa ke matla le taolo eo lehlatsipa le ba leng yona.
O mong wa mefuta e tlwaelehileng haholo ya boitshwaro bo bontshang kgalefo le ho batla ho utlwisa batho ba bang bohloko ka thobalano o bitswa kgatello ka thobalano.
Kgatello ya hore motho a etse thobalano e hlaloseha ka thata hobane ka dinako tse ding ho boima ho e bona.
Kgatello e hlaloswa e le “ketso ya ho qobella (kapa ho leka ho qobella) motho e mong ka ho
- laola maikutlo a hae molemong wa motho e mong
- dikgoka
- ditshosetso
- kgatello
- ho bua ntho e itseng o tiile hore ke nnete e sa hlokeng ho phehiswa
- tebello e amanang le botjhaba
- boemo ba moruo, kapa
- jwala kapa dithethefatsi
ho ba le kamano ya thobalano le yena a sa batle”,
le
“Ha motho a se na kgetho ya ho sheba dikgetho tse ding ntle le ho ba le ditlamorao tse mpe setjhabeng, mmeleng kapa maikutlong”.
Ho e bebofatsa, hona ho bolela hore motho ha a kgone ho re tjhe hobane a nahana hore o tla ba le ditlamorao tse ka mo imelang.
Ho etsa mohlala – ho otlwa, ho thodiswa/kwalwa molomo, ho tshosetswa, ho utlwiswa bohloko maikutlong, ho hanelwa ka dintho kapa ho fuwa kotlo ka tsela e itseng, jj.
Ka dinako tse ding o kena maemong moo o qobellwang ho etsa thobalano o sa batle.
HA HO NA MOTHO ya ka o qobellang ho etsa thobalano o sa batle.
Hopola hore o ka nka qeto ya hore na o batla ho etsa thobalano kapa tjhe, o batla ho e etsa neng le hore o e batla jwang. Ke kgetho ya hao. Ke mmele wa hao, kgetho ya hao, qeto ya hao le tokelo ya hao.
Molao o re o na le tokelo ya ho nka diqeto ka ho ima.
HA HO NA MOTHO ya ka o qobellang ho etsa thobalano kapa ho ima haeba o sa batle.
Haeba o ikutlwa e fosahetse – e fosahetse. Mamela maikutlo a hao.
Diketso tsa dikgoka kamanong ha di a amoheleha.
Ka dinako tse ding balekane ba nahana hore ba lokela ho etsa seo mohlankana/morwetsana wa bona a se buang.
Bashemane ba bang ba dumela hore ke tokelo ya bona ho nka diqeto.
Hona HA HO a nepahala..
Balekana ka BOBEDI ba lokela ho dumela ho etsa thobalano, le hore jwang. Haeba motho a le mong a qobella molekane wa hae ho etsa thobalano le yena a sa batle, ena ke kgatello.
Jwalo ka ha ho boletswe, kgatello ya ho etsa thobalano e hlaloseha ka thata hobane e na le dintlha kapa diphapang tse nyane haholo tse sa bonahaleng – e etsahala maemong a mangata a fapaneng.
Kgatello e etswang ka ho qobellwa ho ba le kamano ya thobalano – ketsahalong ena, kgatello e ka bolela kgatello ya mmele, ho bua kapa ya maikutlo.
Kgatello ya ho etsa thobalano e ka etsahala le ha o bile kamanong nako e telele.
Maqephe a latelang a hlalosa kgatello hantle ka ho arola tlhaloso ka dikarolo tse nyane.
Kgatello ya mmele ya ho ba le kamano ya thobalano e ka kenyeletsa ho tswella ho suna lehlatsipa ha le leka ho hana.
Ho otla, ho raha le ho otla ka tlelapa, ho hatella lehlatsipa fatshe, ho tswella ka diketso tse kgotsofatsang ditlhoko tsa thobalano ka mora ho bolellwa hore o emise/kgaotse.
E ka kenyeletsa ho dula o tletleba, ho laola motho kapa boemo molemong wa hao, ho tshosetsa ka ho kgaohana le motho, ho etsa hore motho a ikutlwe a le molato ka hore “motho e mong le e mong o a e etsa”.
Ho sebedisa boemo ba bolaodi ho fumana melemo ya thobalano. Ho etsa mohlala: “o ka ba le bonnete ba ho fumana matshwao a matle kotareng ena haeba re etsa thobalano”.
Kgatello ka dipuo e ka kenyeletsa ho tshosetsa ka ho qobella motho ho etsa ntho e itseng ka mmele, ho omanya, ho bitsa motho ka mabitso, ho mo qhekanyetsa, ho bua leshano kapa ho mo qobella ho etsa ntho e itseng ka ho mo tshosetsa kapa ho laola maikutlo a hae molemong wa hao. Ho etsa mohlala, “haeba ha re etse thobalano bosiung ba kajeno, ke tla tsamaya ke se hlole ke kgutla”, ke kgatello.
Ho fana ka dimpho le/kapa tjhelete, ebe o lebella ho lefshwa ka thobalano ke kgatello.
Ona ke mofuta wa thobalano ya thekisetsano moo hangata banna ba baholo ba nang le tjhelete (“diblesa”) ba hohelang basadi ba banyane (‘ba bleswang’) ka tjhelete le dimpho tsa theko e hodimo ho etsa thobalano le bona.
- Ketsahalong ya mofuta ofe kapa ofe wa kgatello kapa tlhekefetso ya thobalano, o se thole.
- Batla thuso mothong eo o ka mo tshepang.
- Tlaleha peto sepoleseng kamehla.
- Ditlolo tsa molao kaofela tse amanang le thobalano (tse kenyeletsang ho tseba ka tlolo efe kapa efe ya thobalano e entsweng ngwaneng) di lokela ho tlalehwa sepoleseng.
Ke tokelo ya hao ho tshwarwa ka seriti, ho ba le melao e thibelang tshwaro e sa amohelehang le tlhompho.
Jwala le dithethefatsi di ka ba kotsi tseleng eo o nkang diqeto ka yona, di ka etsa hore o se kgone ho hana ho kena boemong bo lebisang thobalanong mme di ka etsa hore molekane wa hao a halefe le ho batla ho etsa dintho ka kgatello.
Haeba o tshellwa dithethefatsi senong, o ka akgeha mme wa ba lehlatsipa la ho betwa ke motho eo o tshehisanang le yena ka tsa marato.
Ketso ya ho sebedisa jwala ho qobella motho e mong ho etsa thobalano ke kgatello.
Ho re tjhe mothong e mong ho ka ba boima haholo. Makanyane a sebedisa ‘tumellano e tswelang bohle molemo’, dipelo tsa rona tse ntle le ho tshaba ho bontsha boitshwaro bo se nang mekgwa.
Ha re nahane ka ketsahalo e itseng. Ngwanana o ile khafe mme moshemane o kopa ho mo rekela aesekerimi.
- O hana hantle o re: “Tjhe ke a leboha”
- O a mo susumetsa mme o re: ”Dumela! Ke aesekerimi feela!”
- O pheta hape, o re: “Tjhe ke a leboha”
O a tsamaya mme o kgutlela tafoleng a tshwere diaesekerimi tse pedi.
- O re: “Ke a tseba hore o itse ha o batle aesekerimi empa ke ne ke ithekela, ebile o shebahala o tjhesa/baba (le motle!)”
Jwale, haeba o dumela aesekerimi (kapa soda kapa seno se nang le jwala), o ruta motho hore ho nka ho phehella ho honyane feela ho hlola Tjhe ya hao.
- Haeba o re: “Ke a leboha, empa ha ke e batle” mme o beha aesekerimi fatshe o tsamaya, o ka bonahala o le motho wa boitshwaro bo bobe.
Empa nnete ke hore:
- Ha o sa ka wa kopa aesekirimi,
- o ne o sa batle aesekirimi, mme
- ha o hloke ho ja aesekirimi (kapa ho nwa seno)
hore motho e mong a ikutlwe a amohelehile.
Bokgoni ba ho re “Tjhe” (Jennifer P)
Tumello ke ho dumela hore ntho e itseng e etsahale kapa tumello ya ho etsa ntho e itseng. Tumello ya ho etsa thobalano ke ho dumela ho nka karolo.
Tumello ke ha motho e mong:
- a kgona ho kgetha ho nka karolo ka bolokollohi
- a kgona ho bolela a hlakile le ka boyena hore o batla ho nka karolo
- a kgona ho fetola monahano wa hae nako efe kapa efe mme qeto ena e hlomphuwa
- a tsohile, mehopolo ya hae e sebetsa hantle le mabaka a hae a utlwahala
- a utlwisisa hore o dumela ho etsa ketso ya mofuta ofe
- a le dilemong tsa molao tse ka hodimo ho ka fana ka tumello ya ho etsa thobalano.
Tumello ya ho etsa thobalano e bohlokwa ho:
- suna motho e mong kapa ho mo tshwara-tshwara mmele ka mokgwa o tsosang maikutlo a amanang le a thobalano
- etsa thobalano ka kukung(botshehading), ka mokoteng kapa ho momona setho sa botona kapa sa botshehadi
- romela melaetsa kapa ditshwantsho tse amanang le maikutlo a thobalano
- se sebedise dikhondomo kapa dithibelapelehi tse ding
Tumello ya ho etsa thobalano e bohlokwa ho sa kgathalatsehe hore maikutlo a bong boo motho a ikamahanyang le bona ke afe.
Motho o lokela ho bontsha jwang hore o fana ka tumello?
Tumello e lokela ho bolelwa ka ho hlaka le ka bolokollohi. Ho dumela ka ho bolela ka molomo ho ka thusa wena le molekane wa hao ka bobedi ho utlwisisa le ho hlompha dintho tseo motho e mong le e mong a dumelletsweng le tseo a sa dumellwang ho di etsa.
Tumello e ke ke ya fuwa ke motho ofe kapa ofe ya:
- Dilemong tse ka tlase (motho e moholo ha a lokela ho etsa thobalano le motho ofe kapa ofe wa dilemo tse ka tlase ho tse 16 kapa motho ofe kapa ofe ya leng dilemo tse nyane ho tsa hae ka tse pedi ha yena e le motjha)
- Nweleng haholo kapa ya akgehileng ka lebaka la dithethefatsi kapa jwala
- Robetseng kapa ya sa lemoheng le ho etsa ntho ntle le maikemisetso
- Leng tlasa kgatello ya ho hloriswa kapa ho tshosetswa
- Nang le matla a sa lekaneng le a molekane e mong (mohl: ketso ya thobalano ya titjhere le moithuti)
Tumello e sebetsa jwang?
- Tumello e ka puisano ha ho tluwa ketsong ya thobalano.
- Tumellano e lokela ho etsahala nako e nngwe le e nngwe mofuteng o mong le o mong wa ketso e kenyeletsang motho e mong le e mong.
- Haeba o fana ka tumello ya ho etsa ntho e itseng hanngwe empa o sa batle ho e etsa hape, hoo ho lokile.
- Ho dumela ho suna motho e mong ha ho fe motho eo tumello ya ho hlobola diaparo tsa hao.
- Haeba o entse thobalano le motho e mong nakong e fetileng, ha o a lokela ho etsa thobalano le yena hape.
- Ho bohlokwa ho buisana le molekane wa hao ka meedi le ditumelo pele o nka karolo ketsong efe kapa efe ya thobalano.
Na nka fetola monahano wa ka nako efe kapa efe?
- O ka hula tumello nako efe kapa efe haeba o ikutlwa o sa phuthulloha.
- Tsela e le nngwe ya ho etsa sena ke ho buisana le molekane wa hao hore ha o sa phuthullohile ho etsa ketso ena mme o batla ho kgaotsa.
- Ho hula tumello ka ho bua ho ka ba boima haholo, kahoo le ho bontsha o sa bue le hona ho ka sebedisetswa ho bolela hore ha o sa phuthullohile.
Tumello e bontshang maikutlo a matla a lethabo ke eng?
- Tumello e bontshang maikutlo a matla a lethabo ke ho bontsha ka boitshwaro kapa ho bua kamoo o ratang kapa o thabelang tumello. Kamehla lebella “e” e totobetseng ho na le “tjhe” e siyo.
- Tumello e bontshang maikutlo a matla a lethabo e ka bontshwa ka ho bua kapa ka matshwao a sa bolelweng ka molomo, jwalo ka ho bontsha ka mmele - ho bososela, ho shebana ka mahlong le ho dumela ka hlooho. Matshwao ana a tumello ka boona ha a emele tumello, empa ke dintlha tsa tlatsetso tse ka o thusang ho tseba tumello ya molekane wa hao.
- Kamehla ho bohlokwa ho fumana tiisetso ya molomo.
- Karolo ya bohlokwa ya tumello ke ho bua le molekane wa hao kamehla ho netefatsa hore o ntse a dumellana le tumello.
Nka netefatsa jwang hore molekane wa ka o fana ka tumello ka dinako tsohle?
- Kopa tumello pele o fetola mofuta kapa boemo ba ketso ya thobalano ka polelwana e kang “Na hona ho lokile?”
- Bona hore na ho na le kgahleho mahlakoreng a le mabedi pele le qala ho tshwara-tshwarana. Haeba ho bonahala eka ha a batle hore o mo tshware-tshware, o se etse jwalo.
- Tsebisa molekane wa hao hore a ka emisa nako efe kapa efe.
- Botsa molekane wa hao kamehla hore “Ebe hona ho sa ntse ho lokile?”
- Fana ka karabo e ntle ha o thabela ketso e itseng. Bolella molekane wa hao ha ho na le ntho eo o e ratang.
- Dumela phatlalatsa le ho hlakisa ho thabela dintho tse itseng tse etswang, ka ho re “e” kapa ho bolela polelo e nngwe e bontshang ho dumela, e kang “ke thabela ho leka”.
- Bontsha ka ditho tsa mmele ho tsebisa batho ba bang hore o phuthulohile ho tswela pele.
Ho arabela ketso ya thobalano ka mmele:
- Dikarabelo tsa kamoo mmele wa motho o sebetsang ka teng tse kang ho tsohelwa, ho thapisa, sehlohlolo sa monate wa thobalano ke dintho tse iketsahallang, hoo ho bolela hore mmele wa hao o ka arabela ka tsela e le nngwe le ha o sa fane ka tumello ya ho etsa ketso e itseng.
- Batlolamolao ba diketso tsa thobalano ba ka sebedisa ntlha ya hore dikarabelo tsena tsa mmele di etsahala ho etsa hore bapholohi ba ikutlwe ba ferekane ka ho bua dintho tse kang: "O a tseba hore o e ratile". Ha o a lokela ho swabela tsela eo mmele wa hao o arabelang ka yona.
- Karabelo ya kamoo mmele wa motho o sebetsang ka teng ha e bolele hore o fana ka tumello. Haeba o hlekefeditswe ka thobalano, ha se phoso ya hao ho sa kgathalatsehe hore mmele wa hao o arabela jwang.
Tumello HA SE:
- Ho hana ho amohela “tjhe”
- Molekane ya sa utlwisisaneng le e mong, ya sa arabeleng kapa ya bonahalang a halefile
- Ho apara diaparo tse itseng, ho etsa eka o na le kgahleho ya thobalano le ha e se maikemisetso a nnete kapa ho suna motho e mong ha se memo ya hore ho ka ba le ntho efe kapa efe e etsahalang ho feta moo
- Motho wa dilemo tse ka tlase ho tse 16 tse molaong ho ka fa (motho e moholo) tumello
- Motho e mong e be seqhwala ka lebaka la dithethefatsi kapa jwala – haeba motho e mong a akgehile, a robetse kapa a sa kgone ho fana ka tumello, ha se tumello
- Ho hatella motho e mong ka ho mo tshosa
- Ho nahana hore o na le tumello hobane le entse thobalano nakong e fetileng
Ho re TJHE
Bophelong ba letsatsi le leng le le leng re re “tjhe” ka dinako tsohle, ntle le ho bua lentswe leo.
Ha ho tluwa tumellong ya thobalano, “ho re tjhe feela” ke ho hloka boitemohelo mme ka bomadimabe ha se keletso e ntle ka ha ha ho kgathalle ditsela tse ngata tse amanang tsa hore diketso tsa ho hana di etswa letsatsi le leng le le leng bophelong - tseo bongata ba tsona bo sa siyang lentswe la ‘tjhe’ ka hohlehohle.
Na banna ba kgona ho bona ha ho se na tumello?
- Diphuputso di bontsha hore banna le bona ba na le tsebo e tshwanang le ya basadi ka hore ho hana ho etswa jwang.
- Banna ba kgona ho utlwisisa le ho bona ha mmele o bontsha ‘ho se thabe’, ho fana ka mabaka a sa kgolweheng le ho se hlobole diaparo ka boithaopo e le diketso tsa ho hana ho etsa thobalano.
- Ha ho a lokela hore ho be ho hlokahale hore motho a re ‘tjhe’ hore a utlwisiswe hore o hana ho etsa thobalano.
- Ho betwa ke motho eo o tshehisanang le yena ka tsa marato le ho sotlwa ka thobalano ha ho etsahale hobane ho se na kutlwisisano – ke maikemisetso a motho a ho qobella ho etsa dintho tse kgotsofatsang ditlhoko tsa hae tsa thobalano. Peto le tlhekefetso ya thobalano ke diketso tsa dikgoka le matla, e seng tsa thobalano.
Ho ba sieo ha "qha" ha ho bolele tumello leha e le efe
AKAKO NTLE
KANANELO TUMELO
- Ho na le ditsela tse hlakileng tsa hore “e” kapa “tswela pele;’
- Ho na le ditsela tse hlakileng tsa hore “tjhe” kapa “kgaotsa”
- Mme ka dinako tse ding ho ka nna ha se be bobebe ho bona. Ke ka lebaka leo kamehla re hlokang ho emisa mme re botse!
Matshwao a bontshang ho tswela pele a ka shebahala e le:
- lethabo
- balekane ka bobedi ba tshwara-tshwarana
- ho sunana ho tletseng lerato
- molekane wa hao a nka letsoho la hao a le isa dikarolong tsa mmele wa hae
- ho hlobola diaparo ntle le ho kgothaletsa
- motho e mong le e mong o etella se etsahalang pele - thobalano ke ntho eo batho ba e etsang mmoho, e seng ntho eo motho a le mong a e etsang ho e mong.
Matshwao a ho Kgaotsa Tumellong eo ho fanwang ka yona ke afe?
Ho ke ke ha fanwa ka tumello haeba motho:
- o ka tlase ho dilemo tse 16
- o robetse kapa ha a lemohe le hore o etsa ntho ntle le maikemisetso
- o anngwe ke dithethefatsi kapa jwala hoo o sa kgoneng ho fana ka tumello kapa ho hana
- o ferekantswe ke hore motho eo e mong ke mang
- ha a na bonnete kapa ha a lemohe ka ketso ya thobalano
Matshwao a ho Kgaotsa ke:
- ho tloha pela motho
- ho lla
- ho thatafallwa ke ho re ha a batle ho hlobola diaparo
- ho tiya mmele kapa ho thola
- o tla ka maqheka a ho se etse thobalano
Haeba motho eo o nang le yena o bontsha letshwao lefe kapa lefe la matshwao a ho kgaotsa, tlohela hanghang. Ho tswela pele ho tla baka tshenyo kapa kotsi.
Matshwao a Kgalemo Tumellong eo ho fanwang ka yona ke afe?
Haeba molekane wa hao a sa o kope hore o kgaotse empa a boetse a sa bontshe letshwao lefe kapa lefe la matshwao a hore o tswele pele, kgaotsa seo o se etsang mme o botse hore na ntho e nngwe le e nngwe e lokile. Haeba molekane wa hao a o netefaletsa hore o hantle empa mmele wa hae o ntse o bontsha ka tsela e nngwe, leka ho fetohela nthong e nngwe e sa amaneng le thobalano e kang ho shebella TV. Haeba a batla ho etsa thobalano, yena o tla qala ho bontsha ka ho o tshwara-tshwara hape.
Matshwao a Tlhokomediso a ka shebahala e le:
- Sekgahla se phahameng sa ho otla ha pelo
- ho hema ka thata
- ho balabala
- ho shebana ka mahlong
- karabelo ya kamoo mmele o sebetsang ka teng e kang ho tsohelwa kapa ho ba metsinyana a etswang ke lero le tswang
Ke botsa jwang molekane wa ka hore o natefetswe?
Ho botsa hore na motho e mong o natefelwa ke seo o se etsang ho ka ba boima - ho tshaba ho hanwa ke ntho e etsahalang haholo. Empa ho bohlokwa ho etsa hore motho a se utlwe bohloko le ho netefatsa hore mekga ka bobedi e natefelwa ka ho lekana, e leng ntho e ka etsahalang le e etsahalang ka dinako tsohle!
Haeba molekane wa hao a o bontsha matshwao a mangata a hore o tswele pele empa a boetse a bontsha le a tlhokomediso, kapa o batla ho bona ho re na o ntse a thabile, o ka botsa dipotso tse kang “Na o rata seo?” “O rata eng?” “O ka rata hore ke etse eng?” “Na o batla hore ke...”
Ho botsa molekane wa hao ho ka etsa hore o ikutlwe o swabile, empa haeba a na le kgahleho le ho ba karolo ya se etsahalang, a ke ke a kgathatseha ha a botswa. Hoo ho tla etsa hore molekane wa hao a ikutlwe a hlomphehile le ho kgathallwa ha a tseba hore o kgathalla kamoo a ikutlwang ka teng. Ho betere haholo ho botsa le ho swaba ho na le ho se botse le ho mo siya a ikutlwa a sa tshwarwa ka tlhompho.
Ditshwantsho tsa ngwana ya etsang diketso tse amanang le thobalano wa dilemo tse ka tlase ho tse 18
Afrika Borwa ha ho molaong ho shebella kapa ho nka karolo mofuteng ofe kapa ofe wa phonokerafi (‘porn’) haeba o le dilemo tse ka tlase ho tse 18. Hape, ha ho molaong ho shebella phonokerafi moo monkakarolo a leng dilemo tse ka tlase ho tse 18, ho sa kgathalatsehe hore o motho e moholo kapa tjhe.
Tumello ya thobalano le ba amanang ka madi
Thobalano ya batho ba amanang ka madi ke ha ditho tsa lelapa di robalana. Ha e molaong. Molao o thibela diketso kaofela tse amanang le thobalano pakeng tsa ditho tsa lelapa, ho sa kgathalatsehe dilemo tsa bona. Ha ho kgonahale ho fana ka tumello ya ketso ya thobalano le setho sa lelapa la madi a le mang kapa ditho tsa lelapa le hodisang bana bao e seng ba madi.
Hona ho bolela hore:
- Bontatemoholo/bonkgono kapa batswadi ha ba a lokela ho ba le dikamano tsa thobalano le bana ba bona kapa ditloholo
- Boabuti le boausi ha ba a lokela ho ba le dikamano dife kapa dife tsa
- Motho ya etsang thobalano sethong sa lelapa la habo a ka ya tjhankaneng
Na ho na le dinako moo ho sa kgonahaleng ho fana ka tumello ho hang?
- Thobalano le diphoofolo e kgahlanong le molao
- Thobalano le ditopo ha e molaong
- Ha batho ba etsa thobalano ka pela ngwana
- Ha bana ba sekolo ba hatisa, ba nka dinepe tsa diketso tsa thobalano kapa ba di romella batho ba bang le metswalle, ba ka qoswa ka ho sotla ka thobalano, le ha bona ka bobona ba ne ba sa nke karolo thobalanong
- Ha motho a ‘hlahisa’ (bula diaparo tsa hae le ho bontsha kwae/ntoto, kuku kapa matswele a hae) haholoholo baneng, ha ho na tumello
- Ho sebedisa motho, haholoholo ngwana, molemong wa hore o fumane tjhelete
- Diketso tsa thobalano le motho ofe kapa ofe ya ngodisitsweng e le motho ya nang le boqhwala kelellong (ho sa kgathalatsehe hore dilemo tsa hae di kae) ho thibetswe
Diketso tsena kaofela di ahloleha ka molao. Hoo ho bolela hore o ka ya tjhankaneng. Empa o se e etse.
Diketso tse sa amoheleheng tsa mofuta wa thobalano, kapa boitshwaro bo etsang hore o ikutlwe o sa phuthulloha ke tlhekefetso ka thobalano.
Ithute ho lemoha ha o ikutlwa o sa phuthulloha ka lebaka la boitshwaro ba motho e mong. Mamela mmele wa hao, o tla o bolella ha o ikutlwa o sa bolokeha.
Tlhekefetso ka thobalano e ka kenyeletsa ho kopana hofe kapa hofe ho sa batleheng ha mmele ya batho, ha maikutlo kapa mehopolo e boletsweng ka molomo kapa e sa hlahiswang ka ho bolelwa. Boholo ba yona bo tloha dipuong tse sa batleheng le ho tshwarwa-tshwarwa ho sa batleheng ka lehlakoreng le leng – ho ya ho ho sotla ka thobalano ka ho le leng.
Hobane ho na le dintho tse nyane tse sa bonahaleng habobebe (jwalo ka ketsahalong ya kgatello), batjha ba bangata ha ba lemohe hore ba hlekefetswa ka thobalano, kapa hona ho lemoha hore ba na le ditokelo dife kapa dife.
Moetsathobalano ka mahlo ke motho ya natefelwang ke thobalano ka ho sheba mmele e tsotseng kapa diketso tsa thobalano tse etswang ke batho ba bang, haholoholo a ipatile.
Ka kakaretso, hona ho bitswa ketso ya thobalano ka mahlo.
Tshepa maikutlo a hao mme o latele tlwaelo eo o etsang dintho ka yona ka tlhaho haeba o ikutlwa o sa phuthulloha ka tsela efe kapa efe boemong bo itseng kapa o bona matshwao a kgatello kapa tlhekefetso e ka etsahalang.
Haeba e utlwahala maikutlong e fosahetse – e fosahetse!
- E re tjhe ka lentswe le tiileng mme o tsamaye hanghang
- Batla thuso haeba ho hlokeha
- Ooba ho nwa jwala le ho sebedisa dithethefatsi tse ding
Dithethefatsi le jwala di ka:
- Etsa hore o nke diqeto tse sa lokang
- Etsa hore o se kgone ho hana ho kena boemong ba ketso ya thobalano
- Etsa hore molekane wa hao a be le kgalefo le ho batla ho etsa dintho ka dikgoka
Ithute ho arabela kgatellong ya dintho tse amanang le thobalano.
Dula le metswalle ya hao, bua ka ditsela tsa ho re tjhe le ho di sebedisa.
Hore o kgone ho re TJHE ketsong ya thobalano o hloka ho:
- Ba le mabaka a ho re TJHE ketsong ya thobalano
- Ithute ho lemoha le ho qoba dibaka le maemo a ka o kenyang kotsing – o se ye dibakeng tse se nang batho mme etsa hore kamehla le tsamaya le le sehlopha
- Ithute le ho sebedisa bokgoni ba ho nka qeto le ho re TJHE
- Tseba hore ha ho molaong hore motho e moholo a etse thobalano le motho ofe kapa ofe wa dilemo tse ka tlase ho tse 16
Ha o re TJHE:
- Toba motho o mo shebe ka mahlong le ho bua ka lentswe le tiileng
- Eba sebete
- Sheba motho eo o buang le yena ka mahlong
Mehlala ya ho re, “Ha ke eso batle ho etsa thobalano”, o ka realo:
- “Ke o rata e le ka nnete – Maikutlo a ka a mpa a e so loke hore nka etsa thobalano”
- “Haeba o nkgathalla e le ka nnete, o tla hlompha qeto ya ka”
- “Ke itse tjhe. Ha ke hloke ho o fa lebaka”
- “Ke nkile qeto ya ho se etse thobalano ho fihlela ke ba moholwanyane le ho ba boemong bo loketseng”
- “Nka rata hore o hlomphe ditsela tseo ke bonang le ho etsa dintho ka tsona”
- “Ho se etse thobalano ke yona feela tsela e sebetsang 100% ya ho etsa hore motho a se ime, a se be le tshwaetso ya STI le HIV”
- “Ho ka etsahala eng ha e mong wa rona a tshwaetswa ke STI kapa HIV kapa haeba ke/o ima?”
- “Ke batla ho sireletsa pelehi ya ka ho fihlela ke loketse ho etsa ngwana”
- “Ke batla ho qeta sekolo le ho sireletsa bokamoso ba ka”
- “Ke nahana hore ho etsa thobalano pele re dula mmoho kapa re nyalana ho fosahetse. Nka utlwa bohloko ha nka etsa dintho tse sa tsamaelaneng le ditumelo tsa ka”
- “E re ke o bolelle ka seo ke se batlang bophelong le hore ke batla ho ba kae dilemong tse tharo tse tlang”
- “Ho ba le ngwana kapa ho kula ho ka nthibela ho ya moo ke batlang ho ba teng”
- “E re ke o bolelle ka tshepo eo batswadi/bahlokomedi ba ka ba nang le yona ka nna le hore ba ka ikutlwa jwang ha nka ima kapa ka fumana STI kapa HIV”
Haeba o ka araba e potsong efe kapa efe ya dipotso tsena, e ka nna ya ba o kgatellong ya thobalano:
- Na o na le kgatello e tswang ho molekane kapa metswalle ya hao?
- Na ho na le dinako tseo o sa batleng ho etsa thobalano ka tsona, empa o na le maikutlo a hore ha o kgone ho re tjhe?
- Na o kile wa etsa thobalano hobane o filwe tjhelete kapa dimpho?
- Na o kile wa etsa thobalano hobane molekane wa hao a itse o lokela ho mo tiisetsa hore o a mo rata?
- Na o kile wa ba le ketsahalo e amanang le thobalano eo ka mora yona o setseng o tshohile, o halefile kapa o ikutlwa o le molato?
- Na o kile wa etsa thobalano ntle le ho sebedisa khondomo hobane molekane wa hao a ne a sa batle ho e sebedisa?
- Ho fosahetse hore batho ba baholwanyana ba etse thobalano le wena, haholoholo ha o le dilemo tse ka tlase ho tse 16
- Ba ka ya tjhankaneng ka lebaka la ketso ena
- Ho fosahetse hore ba tshware-tshware ditho tsa hao tsa ho etsa thobalano
- Ho tshwarwa-tshwarwa hofe kapa hofe ho etsang hore o ikutlwe o tshohile, o ba le dihlong kapa hampe, ho fosahetse
- Kamehla o na le tokelo ya ho re TJHE ha o tshwarwa-tshwarwa kapa o etswa ntho efe kapa efe eo o sa e rateng
- Tlhekefetso ka thobalano ha se phoso ya hao
- Ha ho na motho ya nang le tokelo ya ho o kopa hore o boloke ketsahalo ya thobalano e le sephiri
Dikeletso tse ding tseo o ka di buang:
- “Tjhe, kgaotsa, ha ke rate seo, tsamaya, hoo ho fosahetse” bathong ba baholwanyana ba etsang dintho tse etsang hore o ikutlwe hampe
- Bolela hore o tla bolella motho e mong hore o etsang
- Baleha mme o hoeletse o kope thuso hore batho ba bang ba tle ba utlwe se etsahalang
- Ha o a lokela ho ba lwantsha ka matsoho ntle le ha o na le bonnete ba hore o matla ho ba feta
- Ke ntho e ntle ka ho fetisisa ho hana dimpho kapa ditshepiso tsa tjhelete tse tswang bathong ba baholwanyana hobane ba ka nna ba lebella thobalano ka mora moo
- Kamehla leka ho tsamaya le ba bang ka dihlotshwana tsa batho ba babedi kapa dihlopha ha o lokela ho ba le motho e moholo eo o sa mo tsebeng hantle
- Apara diaparo tse jwalo ka marikgwe a makgutshwanyana kapa a matelele a tla o sireletsa haholo haeba o ikutlwa o sa bolokeha – ka dinako tse ding ho apara diaparo tse ngata ho ka thusa, empa ha se kamehla
- Qoba dibaka tse thokwana le bongata ba batho
- Ha o na le motho e moholwanyana, haeba o ikutlwa hore ho na le ntho e phoso le ha a sa etsa letho le phoso, tshepa maikutlo a hao mme o tlohe ho yena
- Bolella motho e moholo eo o mo tshepang haeba o sa rate boitshwaro ba motho, le ha e le titjhere, mong wa leloko kapa wa lelapa
- Haeba ha ba o mamele, dula o leka ho fihlela o fumana motho ya tla o mamela
Peto ke ketso ya thobalano – haholoholo ho kenya(Botona) kwae/ntoto ka hara ditho tsa bosadi kapa mokoteng ntle le tumello ya motho eo o etsang thobalano le yena – ha motho e mong a kenya setho sa hae sa botona ka hara sa e mong ntle le tumello ya hae, a mo qobella kapa ka kgatello, kapa ka ho etsa hore lehlatsipa le se kgone ho hana.
Ho kenya setho sa botona kapa ntho e nngwe (e jwalo ka monwana kapa lebotlolo) ka molomong, mokoteng kapa kukung(botshehading) ya motho e mong ntle le tumello le hona ke peto.
Ho feta moo, ho ka hlaloswa e le ho qobella motho ho dumela ho etsa thobalano efe kapa efe e kenyang setho ka hara sa hae mme ka kakaretso ketso eo e nkwa e le diketso tsa bosenyi bo bobe ka ho fetisisa.
Peto ke ketso ya dikgoka e sebedisang thobalano ho utlwisa motho e mong bohloko.
Peto ha se phoso ya lehlatsipa. Mahlatsipa a peto a etsa seo a hlokang ho se etsa ho amohela le ho phela ka mehopolo ya tlhaselo ya oona.
Ho na le mefuta e mengata e fapaneng ya peto eo le yona ho leng bohlokwa ho e fapanya.
Peto ya motho eo o sa mo tsebeng
E etsahala ha lehlatsipa le sa tsebe motho ya tlolang molao. Batho ba bangata ba dumela hore peto ya mofuta ona e etsahalla basadi feela ba aparang ka tsela e itseng, ba tsamayang ba le bang bosiu kapa ba pakang dikaratjheng. Bonnete ba peto ya motho ya sa tsejweng ke hore e etsahala motshehare le bosiu, bathong ba fapaneng le dibakeng tse ngata tse fapaneng. Peto ha se phoso ya lehlatsipa.
Peto ya motho eo o mo tsebang
E hlalosa peto eo ho yona lehlatsipa le sesenyi ba tsebanang. Sesenyi e ka ba molekane, mosebetsimmoho, motswalle wa hlooho ya kgomo kapa moahisane. Diphesente tse hodimo tsa dipeto di etsahala bathong ba tsebanang.
Diketsahalong tse ngata, ntho e utlwisang bohloko ke hore motho o betwa ke motho ya mo tsebang, ya mo tshepang kapa ya mo ratang.
Peto ya motho eo o tshehisanang le yena ka tsa marato
Ke peto ya mofuta o itseng ya batho ba tsebanang, e bolela peto e etsahalang pakeng tsa batho ba babedi ba tshehisanang ka tsa marato. Hangata maikutlo a lehlatsipa a laolwa ka maqheka, mme a thethebatswa kapa ho hatellwa ho etsa thobalano le molekane wa lona.
Hangata peto ya motho eo o tshehisanang le yena ka tsa marato e kenyeletsa ho tshela sethethefatsi ka hara seno. Hona ho bolela hore motho e mong o tshela mofuta o itseng wa sethethefatsi senong sa hao o sa mmone. Ho bohlokwa hore o dule o shebile le ho sireletsa seno sa hao ha o intshitse.
Peto ya lenyalo
Mofuta oo ho buuwang hanyane ka oona wa diketso tsa dikgoka thobalanong ke peto pakeng tsa banyalani. Ka lebaka la dintho tse thibelang batho le tse lebelletsweng setjhabeng tsa ho tlaleha peto lenyalong, ho na le kgonahalo ya hore e etsahala kgafetsa ho feta kamoo ho tsejwang. Le lenyalong, molekane e mong o dumelletswe ho re Tjhe thobalanong.
Peto ya ngwana
Ke ha ngwana a betwa.
Peto ya lesea
Ke ho beta lesea. Tsena ke diketso tsa bosenyi tsa bosatane boo ho sa buuweng ka bona.
Peto e laolwang ka molao
Bana ba dilemo tse pakeng tsa tse 12 – 16 ba kgona ho etsa thobalano, empa ha ba eso hole ka botlalo ho ka fana ka tumello ya ho etsa thobalano. Motho ofe kapa ofe ya etsang thobalano le ngwana wa dilemo tse pakeng tsa tse 12 – 16 (le ha ngwana a fane ka tumello), a ka fumanwa a le molato wa peto e laolwang ka molao (ho dumellana ho etsa thobalano e kenyang setho sa botona ka hara setho sa ngwana). Hona ho etsahala le ha bana ba babedi ba dilemo tse pakeng tsa 12 le 16 ba robalana.
Peto ke ntho e utlwisang bohloko ka ho fetisisa, kahoo ho bobebe hore motho a ‘se batle ho ba hara batho’ kapa ho ba le maikutlo a matla haholo a letshoho. Ho boima, empa leka ho utlwisisa hore:
- Kutlwisiso ke tshireletso e hlokehang ka ho fetisisa
- O ke ke wa kgona ho itshireletsa kamehla mme ho hana ha hao ho ka o bakela kotsi e mpe haholo
- Haeba mohlasedi a bontsha ho ba le ntwa, etsa seo a se batlang mme o leke ho bua le yena – ho ikobela taelo ya motho ha se ho fana ka tumello
- Leka le hona ho hopola hore mohlasedi o shebahala jwang – dilemo, morabe, bolelele, mmala wa moriri, maqeba, dithathu, diaparo, lentswe, mabenyane, jj
- Hoeletsa, lla haholo, letsa phala ya hao kapa baleha haeba o kgona
- O se ke wa hlapa kapa wa hlobola diaparo tsa hao ka mora tlhaselo – boloka bopaki kaofela hore bo kgone ho sebediswa ke sepolesa ho tswellisa dipatlisiso.
- Tlaleha ketso ya bosenyi seteisheneng se haufi sa sepolesa hanghang – leba seteisheneng sa sepolesa kapa letsetsa 10111
- Ho na le dibaka tse ikgethang tseo o ka yang ho tsona ho fumantshwa thuso. Letsetsa Mohala wa bana ho fumantshwa thuso
- Kopa meriana ya PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) ho etsa hore o se be le tshwaetso ya HIV. E tlameha ho qala ho nowa dihoreng tse 72 tsa kgonahalo ya ho tshwaetswa ke HIV.
Lehlatsipa le leng le le leng la peto le arabela ka tsela e fapaneng – empa ho na le kgonahalo ya hore thuso le tshehetso di tla o tswela molemo hore o amohele bohloko boo o bileng ho bona.
- O se dumelle motho eo o sa mo tsebeng hore a kene ka tlung ya hao – le ha ho na le ntho e tliswang kapa tshebeletso eo ho fanwang ka yona. Kopa tokomane ya boitsebiso kapa o letsetse ofisi ya hae ho bona hore na o a tsejwa
- Sebedisa diloko tse sireletsang ka ho fetisisa tseo o ka kgonang ho di fumana
- O se bolelle motho ofe kapa ofe hore o mong ka tlung – netefatsa hore le bana ba a tseba hore ha a lokela ho etsa jwalo
- Tsebana le baahelane ba hao – mme le etse ditlhophiso mmoho tsa hore le sebetsana le bothata jwang
- Tseba seteishene sa sepolesa sa lehae la heno – mme o buisane le mapolesa ka ditaba tse amanang le polokeho le mapolesa
- Eba karolo ya matsapa a ho thibela diketso tsa bosenyi lehaeng le foramo ya baahi e thusang sepolesa ho beha leihlo
Dintlha tse latelang di fana ka kakaretso e kgutshwane ya dintho tse mmalwa tsa molao tsa ho ba le kamano e amanang le ketso ya thobalano e sa batleheng, empa molao o thata haholo ho utlwisiseha. Fumana keletso ya molao haeba o se na bonnete.
Bua le mmuelli hore a hlalose dipotso dife kapa dife tsa molao.
Ditlolo tsa molao kaofela tse amanang le thobalano e entsweng baneng di lokela ho tlalehwa sepoleseng.
Ho ya ka karolo ya 54 ya Molao, ho tseba ka tlolo ya molao e amanang le thobalano e entsweng ngwaneng ho tlameha ho tlalehwa sepoleseng hanghang mme ho hloleha ho etsa jwalo ke tlolo ya molao mme motho ya jwalo a ka lefiswa faene kapa a iswa tjhankaneng dilemo tse sa feteng tse 5.
- Ho etsa thobalano ka ho kenya setho sa botona ka hara setho sa motho ofe kapa ofe (ho sa kgathalatsehe hore o na le dilemo tse kae) ntle le tumello ya hae ke peto.
- Ho etsa thobalano ka ho kenya setho sa botona ka hara setho sa ngwana wa dilemo tse ka tlase ho tse 12, le ha ngwana a fane ka tumello e ntse e le peto.
- Ho etsa thobalano ka ho kenya setho sa botona ka hara setho sa ngwana wa dilemo tse pakeng tsa tse 12 – 16 ka tumello ya hae ke tlolo ya molao, e bitswang ho etsa thobalano eo o dumellaneng le ngwana ka yona ya ho kenya setho sa botona ka hara setho sa hae.
- Ho etsa thobalano ka ho kenya setho sa botona ka hara setho sa motho (ho kenyeletswa le ngwana wa dilemo tse ka hodimo ho tse 16) ka tumello ya hae HA SE tlolo ya molao.
- Ho etsa thobalano ka ho kenya setho sa botona ka hara setho sa motho ya nang le bofokodi ba kelello (ho sa kgathalatsehe hore o na le dilemo tse kae, le ka tumello ya motho ya nang le bofokodi ba kelello ke peto).